I am new here but really have no one to discuss this problem with? I don't want to burden my family or friends with this issue but really need some advice. I have been a relationship with my s/o 4 years and find that I am constantly faced with a growing resentment that I just can't seem to get past?! My s/o is an endurance mountain bike racer (no pay or prizes for competition) he just enjoys the adventure that is offered by riding in long distance races. He has logged in thousands of miles and is actually now in a race that will last an entire month!? This is one of several that have taken more than 3 weeks to complete. I have found myself becoming more and more resentful about the time he spends on his sport/hobby and I feel that it is taking too much time away from both our relationship and our business. I started the business before we got together, but expanded it and opened a retail shop, which is is helping me with as he only works occasional ly outside of the business. I manufacture the products we sell, as well as work daily in the shop...and so it is very labor intensive. The issue is that he leaves during the busy season which leaves me holding the proverbial bag....on both the homefront and at our business. I get sporadic messages because he is often out of phone service on the trail. But now each time he leaves. I feel myself resenting both the costs associated with these trips, bicycle equipment, airfare to get to race start, food, lodging etc. but I also find myself being resentful of him staying with other bicycle racers typically guys, but there have been occasional bunking with women racers as well. I trust him but I feel really angry when he makes comments while eating breakfast at a lodge, that he is "having the best time of his life" comments like that really get me angry...as I am left at home trying to 1. purchase the home we are living in ( doing bus. and personal taxes) 2 paying all the bills. 3. running the business. 4. Taking care of my Asperger's son who is having difficulties. I find myself getting angrier and angrier each day he is on the trail and feel like his hobby is costing us too much money, although we are growing financially in the business I feel resentment because of these trips and because he has student loan debts in excess of 90k, he had child support which we paid off (son turned 18) and owes the IRS as well, not a lot (2500) We are doing financially doing well, and the business and all accounts have to be in my name as he has such shoddy. I have no debt and resent that he doesn't seem to mind buying new expensive bike 4000, air fare and travel expenses to races, etc. I feel that when he is here he only prepares for next race and even though he is at home it feels like he isn't always present? I know he adores me, but I am really not doing well with my resentments, I feel it is paralyzing me mentally, and although I meditate and take care of myself...I feel that his sport is affecting me...and although I love him I don't know if I can do this for the next 10-20 years? We have only gone on one camping trip in the 4 years and the rest has been separate.. I see other couples that seem to enjoy doing things together and although I am secure doing things by myself and I like my alone time...I feel abandoned and angry now most of the time...it is beginning to create anxiety and the resentment is building....I can't say anything while he is "racing" as I don't want to upset him while he's in dangerous locations, etc.!!! I just feel like crying but mostly feel numb..and dumb...for letting it go this far?! Any help would be appreciated I need feedback!
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