My ex and I are in a strange situation. We've been officially split for about six weeks now after 25 years together because he's not sure if he wants to be with me. I was shocked to hear it, came totally out of left field. I thought we were happy. But turns out that he might be in love with OW (they have not had a physical relationship but hanging out for the last three years). Of course I'm devastated.
BUT we are trying to live together for the kids (I know everyone will say that is crazy, but it is what it is and we are really going to try). We are actually able to get along reasonably well. We don't really fight, but are tense sometimes. But I do think that stuff will get better with time.
The big possibly insurmountable problem that I see is that I have insane awful anxiety attacks and just feel like it's the end of the freaking world if I think he's with OW. So far, he has stayed away from her since the breakup other than one (insanely awful for me) planned meeting with her. I don't think he will probably be hanging out with her any time soon, like say the next couple of months. But there will come a time when he does, or if not her, someone else.
Does anyone have any thoughts about how I can get through it better? When they aren't together I don't have any illusions that we are somehow getting back together or less separated, but then if I think they are together it's like the world has come crashing down on me. If he's not WITH me, I'm not sure why I should care that he's with her, kwim? But I have some illogical visceral reaction. :(
One thing I'm wondering is whether me dating (which I am not doing now, of course) would make this easier, or if it would just be beside the point. I'm not planning on running out and picking up some guy just so I can avoid the nightmare, but I'm just trying to think of how this could resolve someday. But I'm not even sure if me being excited about someone else would even affect my feelings about him.
Do people who've been treated this way eventually fall out of love? Or is there some way that I can hasten that process? I feel like I might be doomed to love him no matter how crappy he treats me. I would not have thought I could still have feelings for him through all this.
BUT we are trying to live together for the kids (I know everyone will say that is crazy, but it is what it is and we are really going to try). We are actually able to get along reasonably well. We don't really fight, but are tense sometimes. But I do think that stuff will get better with time.
The big possibly insurmountable problem that I see is that I have insane awful anxiety attacks and just feel like it's the end of the freaking world if I think he's with OW. So far, he has stayed away from her since the breakup other than one (insanely awful for me) planned meeting with her. I don't think he will probably be hanging out with her any time soon, like say the next couple of months. But there will come a time when he does, or if not her, someone else.
Does anyone have any thoughts about how I can get through it better? When they aren't together I don't have any illusions that we are somehow getting back together or less separated, but then if I think they are together it's like the world has come crashing down on me. If he's not WITH me, I'm not sure why I should care that he's with her, kwim? But I have some illogical visceral reaction. :(
One thing I'm wondering is whether me dating (which I am not doing now, of course) would make this easier, or if it would just be beside the point. I'm not planning on running out and picking up some guy just so I can avoid the nightmare, but I'm just trying to think of how this could resolve someday. But I'm not even sure if me being excited about someone else would even affect my feelings about him.
Do people who've been treated this way eventually fall out of love? Or is there some way that I can hasten that process? I feel like I might be doomed to love him no matter how crappy he treats me. I would not have thought I could still have feelings for him through all this.
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