Hello all! N00b here. :D I ran across this thread on a Google search and it touched me deeply. I left a quick comment there and have more to say, but I felt like it would be more appropriate to start a new thread with my thoughts than to resurrect that zombie thread.
I don't want to "hide" this from my wife so much as "spare her feelings". We are very open in our communication with each other, but I fear that some of the things that I will share here would be quite hurtful to her. I love my wife more than my own existence and only want her to be happy and to be happy with her. That's probably what makes this so extremely difficult. So anyway...
When I was young, I was taught that I should save myself for marriage. Somewhere I read that women resent men wanting to marry a virgin after sowing their wild oats. So, at an early age I made a commitment to wait for the right woman and to wait for marriage. Frankly, I worked hard at it. I don't mean to brag so much as to illustrate the lengths that I went to here. I turned down so many opportunities. I deliberately stopped heated physical progression with girlfriends. I turned down booty calls from lots of pretty girls. I passed on opportunities for at least two threesomes. One time overseas, I spent the night in a hotel room with two beautiful girls who were naked and ready to go. One of them was a virgin even. But that night, I treated them like ladies. I put on my headphones, turned my head, and slept instead of indulging in their carnal invitations. I prayed that there was a girl out there who was going to the same trouble to keep herself pure for me. I h ad nightmares that she was not; literally, cold sweat, jolting upright in the middle of the night, terrors. What if while I was going to bed alone, frustrated, and looking forward to a better life, what if she, whoever she was, was out there getting filled up with other mens' seed?
In college, suffice it to say that I noticed Phoenix. We spent quite a bit of time in the same buildings on the campus, so even though we didn't know each other, we saw each other in passing. To me, she was 'The Pretty Girl With The Legs.' I had been going out with a girl for a couple years at the time, and was very much not on the market. My girlfriend at the time was a very immature 17-year-old, but I thought she was The One. Even so, we adhered to the commitment to not engage in sex until after we had exchanged vows in front of God and man. As an aside, I would be shocked to learn that she has ever really grown up. My grades were good and my SAT scores were high. I could have gotten a music and wrestling scholarship to any university of my choice, but went to an in state for college for her. I considered joining the military, and had recruiters tripping all over themselves to get me to sign the dotted line, but I didn't enlist because of her. Her parents hated me , and to this day I still can't figure out why. I was a sophomore in college when she decided that she needed a 'trial break' as if that makes any sense at all. At the end of a teenful angsty week, she informed me that she wanted to make it a permanent break up.
I was hanging out with my friend Olivia in the hall, seeking solace. She was a mutual friend with the recent ex. To my surprise, she was also friends with The Pretty Girl With The Legs. As I was moping around with her, The Pretty Girl With The Legs approached and started talking with Olivia about some class that they had in common. As they reached the close of their brief interchange, she turned to me and said, "and I'm going to give YOU a hug." At which point, she delivered on her word. As we moved on, I asked Olivia if I really looked so pathetically sad that strangers wanted to stop me to hug me. She guffawed and told me that Phoenix didn't think that I looked pathetic, but wanted to hug me because she thought I was hot. It seemed apparent to me that this girl was trouble. I decided that the best course of action was to get to know her a little better, keep the enemy close, if you will.
Phoenix is the only person I've ever known who really gets me. I've never had to explain my humor or the way my brain is working. It's almost like our minds are isometrics. After hanging out with her a few times, it was pretty clear that I was in deeper than I intended to be. She made no secret of her previous promiscuity, and it was pretty obvious to me that she had been sexually abused when she was younger. Our first kiss happened early and things quickly became physical after that, although we didn't go 'all the way' yet. I told her in no uncertain terms that if we were to have a real relationship that I was not to be part of her collection of boyfriends, and that it had to be completely exclusive. She agreed to this condition. She pursued me agressively, constantly pushing me harder for more intimate relations.
About a week after she'd broken up with me, my ex came crawling back, bawling her eyes out and telling me that she had made the worst mistake of her life. I told her that might have been the case, but it was too late for her. Even if I had chosen to go back to her, I knew I could never trust her again. In my mind, she was simply too immature, attached to her parents, and her loyalties would never be to me. I felt a little guilty that Phoenix and I had gotten involved so quickly after the break up. In many ways it didn't seem like it was fair to any of the three of us. My friends and family tried to convince me that it was a rebound relationship and that I should steer clear. Olivia warned Phoenix to watch herself and that she had better not hurt me. Phoenix seemed offended at the suggestion that she might hurt me and not the other way around. It seems that was something of a harbinger.
I don't want to "hide" this from my wife so much as "spare her feelings". We are very open in our communication with each other, but I fear that some of the things that I will share here would be quite hurtful to her. I love my wife more than my own existence and only want her to be happy and to be happy with her. That's probably what makes this so extremely difficult. So anyway...
When I was young, I was taught that I should save myself for marriage. Somewhere I read that women resent men wanting to marry a virgin after sowing their wild oats. So, at an early age I made a commitment to wait for the right woman and to wait for marriage. Frankly, I worked hard at it. I don't mean to brag so much as to illustrate the lengths that I went to here. I turned down so many opportunities. I deliberately stopped heated physical progression with girlfriends. I turned down booty calls from lots of pretty girls. I passed on opportunities for at least two threesomes. One time overseas, I spent the night in a hotel room with two beautiful girls who were naked and ready to go. One of them was a virgin even. But that night, I treated them like ladies. I put on my headphones, turned my head, and slept instead of indulging in their carnal invitations. I prayed that there was a girl out there who was going to the same trouble to keep herself pure for me. I h ad nightmares that she was not; literally, cold sweat, jolting upright in the middle of the night, terrors. What if while I was going to bed alone, frustrated, and looking forward to a better life, what if she, whoever she was, was out there getting filled up with other mens' seed?
In college, suffice it to say that I noticed Phoenix. We spent quite a bit of time in the same buildings on the campus, so even though we didn't know each other, we saw each other in passing. To me, she was 'The Pretty Girl With The Legs.' I had been going out with a girl for a couple years at the time, and was very much not on the market. My girlfriend at the time was a very immature 17-year-old, but I thought she was The One. Even so, we adhered to the commitment to not engage in sex until after we had exchanged vows in front of God and man. As an aside, I would be shocked to learn that she has ever really grown up. My grades were good and my SAT scores were high. I could have gotten a music and wrestling scholarship to any university of my choice, but went to an in state for college for her. I considered joining the military, and had recruiters tripping all over themselves to get me to sign the dotted line, but I didn't enlist because of her. Her parents hated me , and to this day I still can't figure out why. I was a sophomore in college when she decided that she needed a 'trial break' as if that makes any sense at all. At the end of a teenful angsty week, she informed me that she wanted to make it a permanent break up.
I was hanging out with my friend Olivia in the hall, seeking solace. She was a mutual friend with the recent ex. To my surprise, she was also friends with The Pretty Girl With The Legs. As I was moping around with her, The Pretty Girl With The Legs approached and started talking with Olivia about some class that they had in common. As they reached the close of their brief interchange, she turned to me and said, "and I'm going to give YOU a hug." At which point, she delivered on her word. As we moved on, I asked Olivia if I really looked so pathetically sad that strangers wanted to stop me to hug me. She guffawed and told me that Phoenix didn't think that I looked pathetic, but wanted to hug me because she thought I was hot. It seemed apparent to me that this girl was trouble. I decided that the best course of action was to get to know her a little better, keep the enemy close, if you will.
Phoenix is the only person I've ever known who really gets me. I've never had to explain my humor or the way my brain is working. It's almost like our minds are isometrics. After hanging out with her a few times, it was pretty clear that I was in deeper than I intended to be. She made no secret of her previous promiscuity, and it was pretty obvious to me that she had been sexually abused when she was younger. Our first kiss happened early and things quickly became physical after that, although we didn't go 'all the way' yet. I told her in no uncertain terms that if we were to have a real relationship that I was not to be part of her collection of boyfriends, and that it had to be completely exclusive. She agreed to this condition. She pursued me agressively, constantly pushing me harder for more intimate relations.
About a week after she'd broken up with me, my ex came crawling back, bawling her eyes out and telling me that she had made the worst mistake of her life. I told her that might have been the case, but it was too late for her. Even if I had chosen to go back to her, I knew I could never trust her again. In my mind, she was simply too immature, attached to her parents, and her loyalties would never be to me. I felt a little guilty that Phoenix and I had gotten involved so quickly after the break up. In many ways it didn't seem like it was fair to any of the three of us. My friends and family tried to convince me that it was a rebound relationship and that I should steer clear. Olivia warned Phoenix to watch herself and that she had better not hurt me. Phoenix seemed offended at the suggestion that she might hurt me and not the other way around. It seems that was something of a harbinger.
Put the internet to work for you.
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