My husband and I have been married for almost 14 years. We have two children (10 & 14). Over the years we have been through our share of ups and downs, nearly separated several times, but never went through with it. Every time we have decided that we love each other too much to give up. A couple of years ago he started having some new health problems and started a new medication that resulted in our sex life quickly dwindling to nothing. At first I was sure it was something I had done wrong - he's my first husband, first lover, first everything. But, when he talked to me about his medication practically eliminating his desire, we dealt with it. Neither of us are super affectionate. We've both always been content with the little stolen kisses, hugs and occasional hand holding because we are able to connect on so many levels that sex was just an added benefit. Lately he had been making comments about how sexy other women are and how unattractive he is - I f lat out told him that I love him regardless of whether we're having sex or not and that I'm 100% ready any time he wants to try to rekindle that side of our relationship, but I don't feel slighted as long as he's not cheating on me. Earlier this week we got in to a fight that started over our oldest son's education, but it quickly escalated in to a fight about everything - the house, the finances, the pets, the kids, etc. Most of these are things that we are not in the position to change right now and after we calmed down I went to him to talk about things. But his hostility was off the charts - he said that he loves me, but he's not "in love" with me any more. He said that at some point I went from being his lover and the mother of his children to being his best friend and now any intimacy with me feels "wrong" like kissing/making out with your friend. I asked if there was something that we could work on and he said that he didn't feel any romantic feelings towards me at al l and he wasn't sure that anyone else could evoke those feelings either because he feels that part of him has "died". He feels that it's not fair to me for him to stay when he doesn't love me. I want him to stay because there are so many levels that we connect on outside the romance. Since our discussion he's been hostile at times and ignores me and talks to the kids instead. If I come in to a room where he is, he accuses me of trying to smother him or being paranoid and having to check on what he's doing. He hasn't left yet and I'm giving him as much space as I can in the small house that we live in, but I don't know what else to do. He's repeated his stance that he doesn't love me any more and keeps making allusions to leaving and finding his own place. I've been trying to act like normal as much as possible and conducting business as usual as far as the house and kids. But, I'm scared, heart broken and miserable. What should I do? We've talked about counseling and he agre ed, but he's skeptical and has already told me that nothing is going to change...
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