Borrowed time...

I know I shouldn't be, but lately, I've been thinking a lot about the last girl I was completely crazy about. For those who don't know the story, she and I work together. Last summer, I fell for her super hard, and I've never liked a girl the way I liked her. She turned down my advances in a confusing, yet straightforward way. I was a bit bummed, and our work relationship got a bit weird because of it. She started seeing another guy (a former coworker I never particularly got along with), and when things got really bad between me and her, she basically told me, in the nicest possible way, to back off. I took responsibility for all the bad stuff and apologized to her, and let it slip how highly I think of her, which seemed to flatter her. After this conversation, we pretty much stopped talking altogether for months. I still felt pretty upset by the whole thing, and over the last couple of months, she randomly started expressing concern for me, that I seemed upset. I just kinda blew her off. I couldn't exactly tell her the truth, yanno? Then, about a month ago, her boyfriend cheated on her (which seems to be a reoccurring issue for this girl...), and they split. Afterwards, she and I have started getting back to the nice, open, slightly flirty dynamic we had before any of this happened. She even did something kinda nice for me at work that she totally didn't have to do. I'm glad things are better between us, but... Now that they are, I'm constantly being reminded of why I fell for her in the first place. Not only that, but I'm realizing I'm really on borrowed time, with her. I suspect within the next six months, she's going to be leaving for a new job; if not, I anticipate that I'll be finding a new job within the next twelve or so months. Either way, it means never seeing her again, and I really hate that idea. I just wish things could be different. She's got a guy right in front of her that's awesome, and funny, and smart, a guy that respects her, and cares about her, and wouldn't do a thing to hurt her. She and I have so much in common, probably more than she even realizes. There's a certain chemistry there, and I guess she doesn't see that, but I really think we'd be good together. I wish I could tell her all of this. Heck, I wonder if it would even be appropriate to tell her how much I'll miss her, when she leaves. But, she was nice about this stuff the first time. If I say anything again, and the answer is still no, I don't think she'll be so nice about it (and that would likely mean big trouble for me at work). Not to mention, I don't want our last moment together to be me making one last desperate plea to her, and her telling me to screw off. Still, I can't help but wonder about her, yanno? I dunno. I just wish there were something I could say or do, but I realize what an impossible situation I'm in, and it just really sucks to be there.

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