am I coming or going?

About 3 weeks ago my husband made a comment about "wouldn't it be nice to have a little girl"- he sighed. I started asking questions- because I too have wanted a baby- The conversation went arwry though- he started saying things like he didn't think we were on the same path that he was thinking that he wanted to leave the marriage. I was really caught off guard. Background: This is my second marriage- I left the first- and it was a mess still- but I've been able to rebound although it's taken many many years. I always wanted to get remarried-it took time mentally to trust that the same issues in marriage 1 would not come and ruin another relationship. So I got remarried....after waiting 8 years to find and 2 1/2 years more to make the decision to marry- dating this guy- fell totally in love....wanted a child even. So what was the problem you ask? I'm older than he by 7 years, and as everyone knows getting pregnant when you get older is near impossible, but he knew this. He used to console me, telling me that I should be happy with what I have in life- that I shouldn't worry- that he was ok if it happened or not. Having a child was never an issue and I repeatedly asked him before we married. Now 5 years later after I was just thinking to my self not even 4 months ago how happy I was - he drops this on me. Saying he still loves me, but really wants kids and that I'm just not as close to his mom and sister as he wants...he thinks were not on the same page/ path so he struggles with moving on. I counter this- go to a fertility specialist. Find out that yes I can carry a baby but not concieve with the age of my eggs. I go back to him.....he says this is too complicated , that life shouldn't begin this way, that egg doner would be like having a child with another woman. Im confused- think he's having an affair. I've spoken with his family- they're not so helpful either. I apologize to them for what ever I've done. He's mother replys that I've nothing to appologize......which confuses me even more. Feel so out in the dark. He has been my hopes and dreams of a second marriage. I thought I asked the right questions before we married. I never thought he could or would do something like this . If this ends, I'm not sure that there is any hope for me to have another love let a lone trying to find someone that I could have a child with. I feel lied to- used-deceived etc. He's pissing my life away- hasn't moved out yet- continues to say that he loves me but say's he must make a most difficult discion. WTF? Who does this kind of thing?! I've been through a broad scpectrum of feelings already- begging, trying to rationalize, feeling I need to fix me. Feeling unworthy- to being angry- where I am now. My whole life is upside down....and he's got all the cards.... Please, someone.....tell me what this is?

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