Trip to NY and updates on the stbxh

I had a blast in New York, despite stbxh efforts in trying to bring me down. I worked almost 70 hours with only one day off, but it was good to get away and see that I do have self-worth and that I am going to be ok. The stbxh did call me while I was gone and upset me. He told me that he had a consultation with a lawyer and that his lawyer told him he would only have to pay me $300 a month, which is based off this years paycheck stub for myself which is crap b/c I have always been part-time since having children and when he left, I have had to work at least 6 days a week to stay afloat. So, he said that out of the kindness of his heart (puking now) that he would give me $500 a month b/c he didn't want to see my struggle ... whatever. He also warned me not to go through a lawyer, b/c I wouldn't like how it all ended. He then proceeds to tell me that since I have to use choldcare so much b/c I am working so much that it would look like I was an unfit parent and that I wouldn't be able to get full custody of the kids. I let it upset me for a bit and cried a bit but then I got stronger and now I am pissed. I have since blocked him from my phone where he can't text me or call me. He can call my house phone when he has the kids, but that is it. I have a consulation with a new lawyer (and those that know my story know why I am switching lawyers) on Friday and I am really hoping that I can get this all figured out and have some sort of idea on where I stand. He scared me by going to a lawyer but he is lying to the lawyer on income and reason for divorce so I know what he was told wasn't correct. He also called my dad, who I am not really talking to right now and he knows that so he was trying to get someone/anyone to listen to him and his side of the story. My dad didn't answer, of course, but he left a message and went on and on about how my dad is a bad influence by supporting my desire to go to court and fight him b/c it will not be a benefit to my life at all. And this is pety stuff but it gets to me and I have to get it out. When I call his phone from my cell number, he has that song "dont' worry, everything is going to be alright" but when I call from any other phone, there is a different song so he put that song just for me when I call ... how stupid is that? And what does he mean by playing a song that everything will be alright. He keeps telling me that I need to get over him and move on and let go of all this anger. I am just beside myself at the person that he has turned into or that I was so blind to all of this before. He cheated on me, lied to me and destroyed our family. While I was willing to work on our marriage, he continued to lie to me but I am still the one that he decided to "give up on" and that he walked out on. I am still the one that cries daily and he has already moved on. Why do I let this happen and how come I am not strong enough to let go? I have to be strong when it comes to my kids and getting the child support that I need to support my kids but on the emotional end of all of this, I am drained and hurting so bad. I just want someone to hold me (not a man) and let me cry. I am tired of fighting this alone and feeling so empty. I don't know what is going to happen from here but I am hopeful that the lawyer will provide some insight to what is going to happen and I can move on from that point. I don't know how I am going to afford a lawyer retainer fee but we will see what happens.

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