Advice Please, before I go bald!

My husband and I have been together for 8 years. Together we raise 5 children, the four oldest are from a previous marriage. The issue I am here to discuss deals with my husband "Dean" and our oldest son "Diego" 19 yo. Diego graduated this last May and decided to move out and get a job rather than go to college. We require that our children attend college or move out by the end of summer after graduation. Diego wanted to join the military but has weight to lose. Some time between 2-3 weeks after moving out Diego lost his job because the construction company folded. We offered for him to come back if he made it his job to lose weight in order to join the military. After a family discussion in which my husband agreed to sub as personal trainer for Diego until we hired someone we shifted back into our normal routine. I also offered that I would work out as well. A few weeks have passed and Diego spends his days playing video games. Minimal initiative is put into working out. And I mean minimal. I have to prod him to clean his room. Today as I listened to his video games I decided to say something. I told him he needed to clean his room and that our deal was not for him to sit around all day playing games. He told me that we didn't keep our end of the deal. I explained to him that I have been scheduled for spinal surgery since the arrangement but he and dad could go, he says that hasn't happened either. I told him that he should just ask. When i relayed the information to my husband and told him that the kid should initiate going but that no one had lived up to their end of the bargain he got mad. he didn't understand why he needed to go, why he should tell him to just ask, why he should do anything but offer a ride. I told my husband that he agreed when we had the family talk, that I asked if he would do it for me and he said yes. but now, he says it is an excuse and I'm blaming him. I can't take it anymore. Am I wrong to see that my son should initiate it but to seek my husbands assistance in trying to ignite a fire in a young man who is lost and aimless? Is it expecting too much to ask my husband to join my son and not even work out but try to fill in for guidance and to push him a little? Spot him, tell him just one more, you can do it, that's great etc???? My husband said I am ridiculous and making excuses. I don't understand how that is. I think my son is lazy and going to end up nowhere in life. I also feel my husband lacks compassion for me and is making this about something it isn't about. I guess now we can just say whatever we want and then "forget" the committments we make?

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