Need womens opinions wife said scary thing

Im near the end of my rope. Background Mid 40s both of us. 10 years married. 2 school age kids. We are not in a good place right now. Tried setting up dates. First one worked. After that she got less and less enthusiastic. They were not even sex dates but take her out and pay attention to her dates. Last one I set up. When I said asked her to go out with me she looked like I asked her to eat a poop sandwich. I ask for sex most days and get it about 2x a month. I get that same poop sandwich look. Note I never beg. I know that is unattractive. She had light email EA with ex. I squashed it hard and got it early. Told her to pick him or me. She went nuke b!tch at me in front of my parents. My father wants me to move in with them in another state and get wife and kids an apt nearby! She did it in front of coworkers once a couple years ago. Two coworkers came up separately told me she was mean to me and offered me temp housing. (I am extremely loyal to friends and I have GREAT friends) ***SHE FORGOT OUR ANNIVERSARY!*** WHAT WOMAN FORGETS HER ANNIVERSARY? (Im not that dumb. I took her out and everything) We had a near sexless 10 months June 2012 Thru Mar 2013 + last month. 1-2x a month. She would go up to 5 days (typically 4 days) between showers just to discourage me from asking for sex because she knows I am very clean myself and shower EVERY night. Nov to Mar I lost 30 lbs and weigh 7 pounds less than when we met. I think I look damn good for a mid 40s guy. Women customers flirt a good amount with me. I NEVER respond. YEa I like the ego boost I admit, but I made vows. Every night I would go to bed with an I-Love-You and get back "yea right" or "maybe" etc She used to initiate 2x a month. It has been 2x in 12 months. She half initiated maybe 2x more. Sex was 85% duty sex. April was decent after my vas was delcared clear. We had 2 huge blowouts in March and I openly asked her if she wanted to still be my wife. She said yes, but I think she is lying and just doesnt want to be 2x divorced. She says she is into sex with me. Maybe 6x in the past year that was true. The rest was spew and get off me. I can account for 99.5% of her time. Any PA would have to be IN CHURCH literally so I rather doubt it. She is getting more and more conservative in bed. She said in late Feb that the only reason we are not divorced is she does not believe in divorce (even tho she D her first husband. VERY young marriage WAY back early 90s) Then she denied she said it. She is a classic blame shifter. She backed our cars into each other doing 2K damage. She blamed me for parking them wrong. (AYFKM) We kiss. She will do it maybe 10 seconds then she turns her head. Incident Mar 18 2013. 12:40AM 2.5 weeks after her EA I found. I hug her good night. I say I love you. She said, "maybe". Something in me died at that moment. It was so strong I FELT IT AND LOOKED AT MY WATCH. PART OF ME CHANGED AND I THINK SHE LITERALLY stuck the final knife in my love for her and it flatlined the first time. I think it came back a few times but she knifed those pretty good. Now... I am trying to get feelings back but she wants a hug on occasion and I feel no more than I would hugging a statue. I want it back but after all the hit after hit after hit after hit FOR about 6 years. It just wont seem to come back. I want very much to say I love you. But those words are sacred to me and I just cant. They roll easy off my tongue to my kids I have zero problem saying it to them. I want the love back but all I feel is. Nothing. Literally. I am NOT perfect. I can be intense when working on something. I sometimes forget to talk a little more simply and de-engineer speak when talking to her. (MY IQ is 140. Ill estimate hers at 110. I know she says I sometimes make her feel dumb. I TRY not to. Im sure there IS other stuff. She is mad at me 25-30% of the time. Yes really. I dont think I am 25-30% azzhole deserving this. Anyway the scary thing she said to me was this: "IF you were to have an affair I would never know" Note the future tense. Am I imagining things or is she telling me to go out and find a mistress and leave her alone on sex? Note this WILL NOT happen but it makes me think this ship is far more gone than I imagine. For the record. I have not EVER had an affair I have not EVER had an EA I have not EVER even lip kissed another woman since exclusivity was agreed on.

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