Kills me -missing my ex!

So basically, I was in a domestic relationship and it was really bad for the last 4/5 months.. I will not go into it.. but I did really really care about him and actually saw a future together with him. I love him so much! We're at the same uni and practically were best friends as well as bf/gf.. Right now we're not in contact at all but I do miss him so much that it kills me. I cry sometimes thinking -what if- or why did he change so much into a completely horrible person and what did I do to deserve all the ****?! :( I just miss how it was for the first year together and although it was an unhealthy relationship towards the end I can not bare to delete all the pictures together on my iPhone or throw away his clothes. It's like my mind telling me to do it but my heart still cares. I know its wrong to even think about any of it, but I can't help it. I woke up this morning thinking he was next to me and felt safe then realized it's all in my head. Should I seek help?? :'(

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