No more trust and love left

Hi there, I've been feeling really depressed with my hubby for a few yrs now. He is much older than me (I'm 31 and he's 44). I'm preggy with baby no.3 and he cstill keeps on stressing me. We had lots of issues in the past and every yr, he has done something that made me feel very mad. One of the issues were in the past was his drunkeness like one time we were vacationing as a family and he just left in the middle of the night and came back at 6am stinking of booze and very drunk and spent our vacation money. Not only that, I was so furious and he punched me and stangled me and caused a scene. He always tells me that he's sorry and that he loves me whenever he has done something that makes me very mad but it keeps on happenening though over n over. I started hurting him physically whenever we fight coz I can't forgive him for hurting me physically in the past and it wasn't just once. Another thing issue is I see him as a loser coz he was a backpack er in the past with no ambition. I am not a backpacker but I love to travel and I'm worried that he might influence our kids. He assured me that he is not a backpacker anymore and that he has now have a higher standards for himself. Recently,eventhough we've been trying to work things out our relationship ie. being spiritual/reading books/etc... that everything was just a lie. While preggy with no.3, he left one day and left a note. He bought a ticket to the UK so he could backpack there while working on his own. He came back that night as he has changed his mind. I found out that he's been planning this all along. I don't normally check his email but I discovered on his emails about which campsites he was gonna stay at, he was buying a bike so he can cycle from London to where he was going and he signed up for a course to build a cob house. Very selfish man and still a backpacker! I've been telling him for yrs and escpecially recently like everyday that I'm very depressed a nd I just cry all the time and I told him clearly that he can take the kids if we're splitting coz I want some time for myself. He always convince me to "work things out and be spiritual" and it's all a lie after all. After this incident, I discovered that he has paid 85$ to give to an organization without consulting me and he went to the bank the very next day to pay our credit card so I don't discover it but I did. I am so fed up with all these. He convinced me again to stay and that he will change but I am just done and I can't trust him anymore. Now I have to keep all his bank cards. Also, he's very dependent. I organized all our finance, savings, kids schooling,etc... He just acts like a robot and do the things I say. I always tell him to take responsibility but he never does. I really want to leave. Yesterday I packed some of my stuff so I can stay at my moms but my 6 yr old daughter was following me. He face was so sad. I told him to go back to the house. When I turned around she was again following me and I got mad at her and told her again to go back to the house and started running back to the house and ket looking back at me. he face was so sad so I've decided to stay. I don't want to ruin her but is it right to stay? What can I do? I am so done:(

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