I Finally Found That Peace I hope You Do Too

I don't know about you guys/gals but it is early in the morning and I'm not a morning person at all. But today is a special day and I have been waiting for this day for five years now. It all started with someone else thread and I was accused of not knowing what it felt like to be cheated on, but on the contrary I did. I like many others sadly was with a serial cheater till this day I don't know how many women he was with. We weren't married but were together for about 10 years. We lived together and he had at least two other girlfriends and I think working on a few more, he was a busy man. He got busted eventually and not only did he lie to me but he had all his friends lie to me for years the last straw was when he sent a mass text to all his friends to tell them if his other GF asks about me tell her I don't exist. I can't tell you how many false R's we had thinking we would survive and beat the odds, he would understand the error of his ways... because I knew him sooo well. And each false R and each heartbreak there was that constant reminder in the back of my head to "trust but verify". I don't miss holding my breathe and shaking looking through his emails or try to crack his phone to figure out who he had been talking to. I don't miss at all questioning him where he was going and wait for his answer and I already know where he was I just wanted to see if he was going to tell me the truth. I certainly don't miss the phone call to the OW who had no clue who I was and broke down on the phone when she realized her bf had lied to her the entire relationship. But most of all I don't miss the person I had become, I was so fixated in finding out all the facts the truth, making sure he said where he said he was etc etc, that I lost out on what it mean't to be happy and loved. It was scary being on my own again, afraid that I couldn't be loved again, that I would be worthy of it and could I find that trust in a man that I put all my faith and love in it seemed to impossible after all he put me through. I went through all these crazy stages, from anger to sadness, to bitterness, rage, betrayed, hatred, sorrow, mourning, to finally..FINALLY... indifference. No anger, no sadness, no bitterness, not anymore. When I got married I thought I put it past me but I didn't I just buried my anger. I especially flipped out when my ex tried to contact me earlier on this year. So what does all this have to do with the Ah HAAA moment?! The ah ha moment came when I wrote about my ex and I was indifferent about it, I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad, I didn't wish him harm, it had just went away. This time of year use to trigger or bother me (Ex's Bday) and also the summer was a but difficult because of how I found out about his many many affairs. But I haven't thought about it, not until now. There was no cloud no retreating no trigger. Just peace. It took a long time to get here. But I'm here. I made it. I'm not a victim I choose not to be, I'm not a betrayed or former SO. I'm Kris. I define me not my ex. I'm sorry for the rambling I just hope one day that some of you find that PEACE weather if you stayed in your relationship or not. This is one of the best days of my life because I feel free. I'am free. Whoever is reading this I hope you get there someday too. I hope you find the strength to not only forgive but also move past it to a point where you don't care. So yes I did know what it felt like to be cheated on and it sucked, but to go from where I was to where I'am now is a miracle in itself. I like this quote. "There is a teasing irony: we spend our lives evading our own redemption. And this is naturally so because something in us knows that to be fully human we must experience pain and loss. Therefore, we are at ceaseless effort to elude this high cost, whatever the cost, until at last it overtakes us. And then in spite of ourselves we do realize our humanity. We are put in worthier possession of our souls. Then we look back and know that even our grief contained our blessing."

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