Need advice: Regaining my spouse's trust after doing everything to lose it

I'm sure there is a thread somewhere that talks all about ways to revive trust in a relationship but I'm new here and navigating around is proving to be a challenge. Here's the short of it and I hope that nowhere in here you think I'm trying to justify or defend myself. That would defeat the purpose for the advice that I seek. Please don't take the brevity of my actions as a sign that I'm trying to sugar coat my deeds. I have messed up, screwed up our marriage, turned my husband's heart inside out, killed his self-esteem, and basically put us through the ringer. I lost my husband's trust through lies/deceit and crossing marital boundaries; From being cold to him when I felt a distance between us and not listening to his advice, taking on friends who made poor relationship choices themselves, to naively leading on an old school friend by agreeing to hang out with them and chatting (I didn't have feelings for this person as more than a friend but failed to sever the friendship right away when recognizing his flirtatious comments i.e. "I miss you" - I had a hard time telling people who seemingly cared about me to "shove off" even though I should have if it meant it might negatively impact my marriage) to drinking to an excess with people I'd just met putting myself in a vulnerable state and getting spooned on a couch. Then I waited months to tell him. Then I went to Asia for 9 months with a 5 week break to see him in between for a teaching job thinking we'd be fine. Wow do I feel stupid and disgusting. My husband is the only person I've ever slept with but as he's pointed out and as I agree, you don't have to have intercourse with someone else to betray your spouse. I held off on opening up to him for fear of his reaction for months - he even warned me back when it was all happening (the distance in our relationship) that I should come forward and I didn't until a few months ago. My heart wasn't in the right place and I tried to justify not telling him by saying I'd hurt our relationship enough. Deceit is what hurt it as well as my actions. I've been working on becoming a stronger, less self-absorbed individual - traits that I'd been lacking when our marriage had gotten rocky before. Instead of effectively communicating and acting like a mature adult, I let anger and bitterness well up inside me. I focused on what other people had and not on what I already possessed. I never wanted to be the person I'd turned into. I still feel disgusting and like a slimy creep for what I d id to our marriage. I would not want to be friends with someone like myself at that point in my life: selfish, cynical, overbearing, immature, controlling, untrustworthy, and careless with my husband's heart. I thought I knew everything and was above outside advice or warnings. I found out the hard way that I don't. I feel low as dirt. Let me tell you something about my husband: he is the most gracious, compassionate, strongest, patient, forgiving, and loving, (and on a shallower, but all the same true note) handsome man anyone could possibly dream up. However, I have worn him thin and he's exhausted. He is aware of what I've done and some days are good, others he just can't wrap his dead around "How could my wife do this." I ask myself the same thing. I never want to do those things again or put any doubt or further mistrust in his life. I want a healthy, wholesome, supportive marriage. I want to build him up, make him know he's my knight in shining armor, and prove to him my desire to change through my actions. Since being in Asia (only 2 months left thank GOD) I've had a lot of time to reflect on myself and my behavior and who I'd become. I did not like what I saw in myself. I feel sick each time I think of how I made my husband feel and contributed to the distance between us. This has propelled me into a desire for a drastic inner make-over. I've been reading books on character development and rebuilding trust, finding ways where I can implement the suggestions into my life. I figured it wouldn't hurt to get some live advice on here either. I am turning every aspect of my life around because I want to, for him, for me, for us. I want to be someone that I feel good about who is honest, trustworthy, humble, a good judge of character, altruistic, and has a drive to not get better and quit but continue to improve as self-improvement is a life long process. My husband is gold. I want to be the wife that he deserves. He deserves perfection but since it doesn't exist, I want to be the most perfect wife FOR him. We used to put our heads close together and whisper, "You're not perfect, but you're perfect for me." We have had wonderful and close times in our relationship. We let a lot of trivial things that shouldn't have gotten in the way, get in the way. Okay so even trying to keep this brief and it still turned into a novel. Any pointers for regaining trust/links to an existing thread would be great. What do you think makes a good wife and happy marriage? I'd love to do something meaningful for him to - any romantic suggestions/creative ways to demonstrate my love and devotion to him would be appreciated. Thank you! P.S. I'm open to constructive criticism but not attacks. I know I deserve a good yelling at and being told how stupid my behavior was. I KNOW. I have had my fair share of tears - my actions hurt me too. I didn't write this so people would warm up to me and tell me it's okay, everyone makes mistakes - I really do want advice but please no trolls.

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