Needing help with my overly insecure wife - please advise!

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and for the most part it has been really great. We laugh a lot, enjoy each other's company, have 2 beautiful children, and a fairly decent sex life. I have never and will never cheat on her as I love her very much. The issue is that she has some baggage that is putting a wedge in our relationship. Her dad cheated on her mom and her 1st husband cheated on her. I come from a family of 3 sisters and have always related to women more than men. There have been a couple of short lived jealousy situations in our marriage but they have always been worked out. I started a new job several years back and have become very close friends a small group of people which includes a female peer manager (happens to be divorced). Our work environment is very political and difficult and this group has always had each other's back. We all would eat lunch together every day or do things after work hours. Over the last 3+ years my wife has become very insecure about my friendship with the female. I have never had lunch with her alone or done anything inappropriate. I just enjoy her friendship and don't want to feel like I have to give it up. I do need to confess that I haven't handled it the best because there have been times where I have withheld information from my wife on my exact interactions with the female friend because I am not doing anything wrong and don't want the conflict with my wife. Examples would be the group going out for drinks after work and I didn't tell her this female would be there. I used to not tell her that the female joined us for lunch every day and I have exchanged an innocent txt or email over a personal issue and my wife snooped and found it and was very upset. It also doesn't help my situation that my female work friend doesn't really care for my wife. She has never told me this but it is very obvious. It is very awkward when they are around each other and you can almost cut the tension in the air. I have seen my wife try to be friendly to my friend but my friend just isn't all that friendly back. Not really sure why. I feel very controlled by my wife. I feel like she is always snooping trying to find things that are not there. She gets so upset and becomes very illogical. I left the job several weeks ago and have remained friends the group including this female. My wife just can't understand that it is purely platonic and is not happy about it. She went crazy when she found out this weekend that my friend and I have started playing words with friends. It's just a game. She says she knows I want to have sex with her or will eventually run off with her. She pouts and just shuts me out, then we make up and things are great for a short time and then she will find an email or txt exchange between me and my friend about something trivial and just shut down again. I am really tired of her snooping all the time. It is a vicious circle of emotions that is wearing me down. What can I do to make my wife feel secure about us and just know that there is nothing with this relationship other than a friendship? I am a grown man and just don't want to me controlled over something so innocent. Please advise. I am really torn up over this.

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