I REALLY need help..is she cheating?

I have been with my wife for 15 years. I was certain that she would never cheat on me (I literally thought she was the most loyal person I have ever known) and I have not even been tempted to stray from her (I know that sounds like a bunch of BS, but it is true. It is not that I am perfect, I have made mistakes in our relationship, just did not think it could happen between us) Though this past year has caused me to doubt those feelings of trust I had for her, though I still love her. Hell, even if it turns out that she is cheating, I do not wish to lose her..... I am just having a hard time with the not knowing. Here are the few facts as I know them: I know she has gone through a good deal of stress with our son going off to college, so within the past year there as been a major decline in our intimacy in our relationship. I am a pretty understanding guy and did not think of this...just hoped that this period would pass and tried to be supportive. Then she got more interested in facebook and the internet. Once again no big deal...though it was a little weird, as she had always scoffed at such things before, but I have always tried to get my wife out of the house to spend time with family and friends, so I saw it as a good thing. Then about four moths ago I walked up to the room where she was talking on her phone (did not hear any of her conversation though)....I guess she did not hear me, and her entire bearing turned aggressive towards me. She accused me of always trying to spy on her....I was shocked. She had never said anything about trying to spy on her before (which I did not, and never had up to that point). Well after the fact, she apologized...which was also not like her. She never apologized for anything before and I mean anything...I still wrote if off as not a big deal, but I think it did start to open my eyes a little. Then about a month later she started to go off on me for something else ...all I said was I was going to McDonalds really quick, as there was nothing in the fridge that evening. Even she said it was stupid apologized, but I was beginning to feel rather hurt. We had had stupid disagreement before, but her bearing towards very different. A Week after that we went out to eat and she pulled out her phone while we were out and went to her facebook....in the past I would not of even bothered to look up from my menu, but something was sitting wrong and noticed that one of her ex's was on her friends list. This ex happens to be the ex she was getting over when we met, and I was told that by her 15 years ago that she would not trust herself around this guy (that was 15 years ago though)....So I was a little flustered, but I was willing to let it go with a short talk later that evening . Also of note is that she had told me there was only a two of guys on her facebook, he was not on her list of guys she mentioned. 1st for sure lie. As it turns out there we 20 of her total 30 "friends" were male. Once again, I do not really care about that fact…just scared me that she would lie about semething so trivial. Then when we go home, all hell broke loose. I asked to see he facebook account, of which she as 1st refused and then admitted that she was hiding a "friendship" from me(not even the 1st guy in question), due to helping him get off a drug problem, of which is strange as I had always encouraged her friendships, even those of the opposite sex. I just like to know about them. So I panicked and took our laptop (even though I never use the thing myself) and locked myself into a room where I found several messages from guys and one to a girl...that were rather suggestive. Though to be fair I have heard my wife talk that way before in a joking manner....She then broke the door lock, took away the computer, and she cried...a lot.) I cannot hold up to a woman's tears....I am a weak bastard. She assured me that everything looked bad, but nothing was going on (you know, other that the lies ext.... I told her I would not talk about this again, though I did want more of her time and attention. I will admit I did bring it up twice...as it was/is eating at my sanity. However I never did get any real answers. Well since then I have found out that at least three times she has lied to me about that fact she went out with other people(she claims that the reason is that with the whole facebook gate thing, I would all the sudden care that she is going out with female friends…which is not true, at all), whom she claims were women. She apologized and there were more tears. I do not want another confrontation.....I do not want anymore of her tears. I do not want to live my life without her, though I am not feeling all warm and fuzzy at the moment. Any advice? Am I too close to this? Maybe it is nothing? We all tell stupid lies from time to time, I know damn well I am not perfect. I just wish I knew for sure....However I do not want to intrude into her privacy any further...And I maybe too much of a coward to face the reality anyway. How do I let this go?

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