Input PLEASE! EA or NO EA? That is the question

This is my very first post on any forum ever! Not sure if I'm posting in the correct spot, but it does say coping and I'm COPING with something, just not sure it's infidelity. That''s why I'm here and here it goes. I've been reading TAM for about 2 weeks and now have gotten the courage to post. I didn't know there was something called an "Emotional Affair" until I started reading about it here. I mean I knew the definition of an EA was something to look out for, I just didn't know it had a name. I usually refer to it as an "Infatuation" My husband of 25 + years, is a sweet, loving and very helpful kinda guy. So helpful that sometimes people take advantage of him. He's very hard working with two jobs. His second job is a handyman type business, he does on the side.When the economy fell he took on the second job to help fill the gaps. We both work, have two grown sons and have enjoyed life to what I thought was to the fullest, with no major upsets in our marriage. Here's my dilemma! About six, seven months ago, my H started spending more time with one particular female client from his Handyman business. She's single and according to him a lot of work at her home is need. Okay, that sounded good. That meant more money, which was needed. He did a lot of the work while she was at her job. There were several times I had popped in to visit him and everything seemed to be cool. I even met her there a couple times. She was domineering, bossy, but complimented his work at every turn to the point that some of the comments were to cutesie and annoying. You know overly complimentary and a very touchy feelie type of woman. My husband seemed to enjoy the attention, but I found being in the same room watching from a distance was uncomfortable...surreal. I let it slide at that time. Around Dec. of last year I noticed he was getting a significant amount of phone calls and text. I was thinking "Hey business must be booming" He agreed. These calls and text just kept coming in everyday and night nonstop. Sometimes I'd ask who it was. He would tell me it was his boss from his full time job or one of his coworkers from there. He did get calls and text from them, but not to this extent. This went on all of December and up to our anniversary which was January 31 of this year. So two months straight that went on. He got at least 5 text a day sometimes more.that would be while I was around, I don't how many more he got when I wasn't around. Right in the middle of our conversations these text would come in.He would read them, then he seemed to go into some sort of trance state after words. I would ask him what was wrong he would tell me he was thinking about all the work he had to do. Sometimes he would forget what we were talking about. I kept feeling that someth ing strange was going on. I just didn't know what. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. It could have really been work because he did have a lot of it. Anniversary Day. We got all dressed up went to one of the best restaurants in our town. We even went before our reservations to have ****tails and dance before dinner. He told me what a wonderful wife and lover I was and he couldn't imagine being married to anyone else. Life was so wonderful with you by my side you are the most beautiful woman in the world. We kissed and held each other tight on the dance floor. Very romantic. After we danced we were sat at our table. It couldn't have been more then 5 minutes and the text started coming in. We looked at the menu then order and still more text. I said honey you should turn off your phone and he did, leaned over and kissed me and said he loved me.Then he went to the restroom. But he left the phone behind. How convenient. Well you know I just couldn't help myself. I looked. I was devastated at what I read. There were thousands of text. I couldn't read them all but the jest was a lot of I love you. I miss you so much. Most of the text ended in oxoxox. She told him he was her best friend and she would always be there for him. She was so lonely when are you coming back to see me. I love the massages you give me. My husbands responses were just as bad. He told her he missed her and loved her too. He also told her she was so beautiful even more beautiful from the first time they met. I was shacking. I didn't know what to think. some of the other things he told her were things I thought he only told me. I certainly didn't feel special anymore! I put the phone back and tried to make it through the rest of the dinner without him knowing I looked at the phone. I just wanted the night to be special. So I sucked it up and bit my lip. But the next morning I let it all out. I didn't yell. But I cried and told him I looked at his phone. I said to him I thought I was the only special one in his life. Everything you said to this woman is not right as far as I'm concerned. Whats wrong with you!? What are you doing to us? These are the things he said to me They were just really good friends and he was building and nurturing a relationship with her. He also said I was reading to much into the text messages. I was over reacting nothing was going on. He didn't sleep with her if that's what I was thinking. We just spend a lot of time together talking and laughing. He also said he didn't mind all the text. He thinks this is how you have a friendship. So I'm over reacting and this is how friendships are formed. Can someone help me here. Was I out to lunch when these rules were handed out? Am I missing something? Is this how a married person has a friendship? He thinks it's alright. I did put my foot down. I told him she is longer going to call or text him and he will not be going to see her anymore. so far for the past 6 weeks he has held true to what I've asked. but she still text and calls maybe once or twice a week as far as i can tell and he hasn't gone to her house. i ask him why she keeps calling? He said it may take awhile for her to stop. He has talked to her once or twice since the day i confronted him. what they talk about I don't know. he's very evasive when I ask. He say's we have to be patient. WHY? Was this an EA or the beginning of one or none at all? Am I over reacting like he says? Input PLEASE!

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