My Husband has no sex drive at all!

My husband tells me last night that he has NO sex drive. Not sure were to start - I have so much to say - My Story I'm 42 & been with my husband for 17 years, he is 43. We have two children 10 & 8. A few years after we started dating I purchased my own business, he also had his own business. That seemed to kill our sex life (even though we were in our late 20's) because of all the hours we were working. I suppose we got use to the lack of sex and we both threw ourselves into our businesses. Our sex life never really improved even after I scaled back my work when our children came along. He's not an affectionate person and I realised when my now 8 year old started school, what I had been missing. I really made an effort with him Cuddling, kissing, igniting sex. He would kiss me but I could see he wasn't interested, he would never ignite kissing or cuddling. He hardly ever ignites sex (1 in 20 maybe ) It got to hard being turned down all the time, even for a cuddle, so I stopped everything. So about 12 months ago I decided enough was enough and I couldn't live like this anymore. I had a sexual awaking and I wanted (and still do) sex, all the time. I tried again making a really big effort, I wasn't getting very far so I decided that we needed marriage counselling!! We went along, When the MC asked what were some of our problems beside sex I said that I would like for him to take me out, by ourselves, movies, dinner, even just coffee. I have always organised everything and it would be nice if he could take the lead. To this day 6 months later he still hasn't done that. Well after two visits he was not making an effort so I cancelled our appointments and made one just for me. It's nice to talk to someone but I need more than just talk. I have been really struggling with our sex life, he is a good dad and a great provider. I was bought up that marriage was for life, till death do us part so I have thought about divorcing and I couldn't do it to my kids. I have even thought about cheating, just for great sex but after reading the coping with infidelity threads in particular " she cheated I hate my life " by DevastatedDad I couldn't do it. So I decided I've made my bed now I have to lie in it. For the last 4-5 months I have been igniting sex, most nights. When he doesn't turn me down he isn't very hard, if on the very very very rare occasion I get oral he goes soft and it is impossible to get him hard again. Even if we stop to get a towel or toy etc, that's it. Unless I'm giving him a BJ, which is his preference over PIV it doesn't stay hard. I know ED can be a problem so I saw our doctor before him and explained the problems. The doctor gave him 7 Viagra tablets and said to come back in 2 weeks. I got really excited thinking this will really help but after 1 week we have only used 1 tablet. That time he still wasn't that hard, I didn't say anything I was just happy he was doing something. So last night I explained how important sex was to me and he took another tablet, it didn't go well. My Husbands idea of having sex is me giving BJ and then me on top. Basically he doesn't have to do anything. I have even asked if he could touch my clit while I'm on top and I don't even get that. We do have sex in some other basic positions but quite often its just me doing all the work. I have explained that I'm doing all the giving and he is just receiving but nothing really changes. In 17 years together he has NEVER given me a orgasm. I feel sad even to write it. I could count on two hands the amount of times I have received oral. I've been reading TAM for about 6 months and two things stand out to me, one is the amount of guys on here who enjoy giving there SO an orgasm. Every time I read something like that I cry. The other is communication and yes I have been guilty of not communicating in the past but even though I find it incredibly difficult talking about sex and feelings I have been trying to change. I bought him a book "she comes first" and I asked him to read it, he still hasn't. So after a very heated discussion last night, explaining again that I would like for him to be more giving, he told me that HE HAS NO SEX DRIVE AT ALL. Well it's an understatement to say that I'm devastated, he came home earlier today and asked "was I still in a bad mood" he just doesn't get it. So now I realise that all these years he just wasn't interested in sex. Up until last night I have been incredibly horny, day and night, well that has stopped. I have told him that I don't want to live the next 42 years like the last 42. I do feel a little better typing this out but as to our future, I'm not sure. I'm cranky and hurt. I haven't talked to him since last night but I'm sick of doing all the talking. Cheers

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