I truly am trapped in a cycle and at the end the end of what I can take

:( I have never joined a forum or spoke to anyone that didn't have a biasis opinion because the see what I say or have their own agendas. I has constantly asked my wife to go outside of her very small circle of who she can talk to since I feel that they have helped put us where we are. I am not sure where I should even begin, but I do hope someone takes the time to read this and can help offer outside advice. Otherwise i guess I am writing a diary. My relationship began many years ago. I was eight years older than my wife and she was a thing of pure beauty and kindness. We began dating, then began to fall In love, but I always felt that the bonds that she shared with her family were a little to strong. We were having such a great time I didnt let the feeling get in the way. Then it started, a feeling that everything soon needed to meet her family's approval. It started with minor things like I wanted to take seperate cars to an event, but the concern that her family would disprove of my decision always worked its way in. Then things got more pronounced and it became more clear that in my eyes at least I would never come first and I would always have to concern myself that my wife was worried about disappointing her family rather than simply ending it and telling them that I am a grown man and they don't pay my bills so they should keep their opinions to themselves. That major idea never stuck. It was never said and for years I had to worry what I wore how much I ate if I said enough or too much. It seemed as though I was the only one that could do wrong. Fights got worse because I felt that my side was never taken and that even the mention of her family or her being wrong resulted in tremendous battles usually with her heading straight to the spare bedroom. Each and every time there was a disagreement she could never except that it was partially her fault. The only thing that truly mattered was her family. When then weekends would come it would be the family visit consisting of an 8 hour day. When our daughter was born they were there from opening to closing not giving us a minute to soak it in. Then they wanted to come home from the hospital and stay with us during our first days with her. All of these things were an argument, not common sense and wrong. The boundaries were over stepped so many times in so many ways and each time, never was my side seen. We began to do less of the things that attracted us and she became more attached with her family. It seemed that we were slipping away. I was told so many times that she only stayed with me because... Each time changing the reason why... But never until this biggest blowout that could change our lives forever and destroy our ten month old daughter that she took responsibility for her actions and understood how they could cause my reactions. We are stuck in a circle I say she needs to take responsibility and make changes that will in return allow me to move past the deeply cut i truly don't love yous that I have been hearing for years and then she will see the changes in me. Of course she says the opposite. I don't want to be a statistic. I never told her I didn't love her but over the years ive heard it far to many times. I think I can say if I never heard it again I might be able to sleep. There are many details that I can't add because they would be crushing to her because she lost her dad. I am not allowed to bring up a point that highlights why something's have such resentment because of things that were said or not said because she is morning. I just know that I have heard i hate you, there is nothing I like about you, you make me sick, the thought of having sex with you makes me sick far too many times. I believe that the only was for this pattern to be broken is for her to realize that I can't give her what she wants,unless i am seeing a change. This has gone on too long. I read, I read on the net, I bounce ideas off of others, I want to do the right thing. She goes to the people that I feel screwed us up. I wish she had come a bit closer to her vow and focused on us and our new family. I wish I could say more but I want to be polite. The last argument ended with it is over I do not love you and even though my family says we should work it out I accept it., again part of the problem is the family but I can't listen to that ever again. I swore to myself last time that the next time she took off her ring and slept downstairs I would simply quit. By the way this came to a beginning on the way to my bday dinner. I brought up an idea for simple conversation and was me with.... Not Interested. I explained,it was ok i was just trying to talk. Well it went out of control and ruined dinner. Then two days later my parents wanted to see my baby and have a cake for me and take some pictures. There was no cake. My parents offered to get it and my,wife was just uncooperative. The next day as I was leaving for work she was on the phone with her sister rehashing my dinner in a tone that was just not appreciated. I honestly think that if over so many years you say the same things and don't love who you are with it must be true especially if you will not see your place in the problem. Another lonely night. simply believe

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