Career situation impacts on relationships

Basically, it affects life, self esteem etc. I have had a lot of problems, some mental, and lack of direction etc. Came from a family that would have expected more. Hard not to be disgusted with myself at times for mistakes, because, even though some things have been beyond my control, i've shot myself in the foot and made it doubly hard. I feel I could be a sandwich generation if I had kids, like as in having a generation above and below me that was happy, succesful etc. I look ok, am ok, I'm just not very happy. I don't know what to do, whether to focus on the sport I like doing and achieve in that, whether to study, because I have the option of doing this degree alongside a job which is part time. So it's degree, sport or writing a book as the primary ambition, I need to be realistic though. And, I keep seeing people happy and fulfilled and thinking what could have been-I can;t explain the details but I am very sad and it has been made hard. It's hard to hope when you see such beauty in someone and want those things of love, companionship etc for yourself, but you feel like such a failure and you haven;t earnt it. I just need to get off the ground, but 32 now. Can anyone help steer this, and help me along? I prefer female advice mostly.

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