Am I emotionally abusing my child?

This is harder to write than possibly anything and yet by writing I feel I'm halfway to admitting ... maybe I am behaving in an abusive manner to my (just) 11 year old. I parent singly half the time, the rest of the time his dad is with us and we struggle to get along partly because of the very fact of the separation, partly for longstanding relationship reasons. One of the main reasons I feel is he 'comes along and shifts the dynamic' and quite often actively undermines my discipline. Examples? Making fun of or complaining about my preference to take a firm line on table manners. Not supporting me when I attempt to discipline 11yo about cheeky or rude behaviour toward me. (I almost always try to step in and tell him to not be rude if he were to do it to dad, which he rarely does). Anyway back to the theme... I've found it increasinly difficult to retain any kind of control/discipline in the absence of his dad, not helped .. and I'm sure I'll be told this is a critical factor... by my considerable intake of self-medication aka alcohol. Not during the day, but a bottle of wine at night every night. So not always but more often than I'd like, when his behaviour isn't great and I've tried all the 'this is the consequence list, you know what will happen' kind of approaches, I start to lose hope and he knows it... and he's barging past me, making faces, making fun, riling about knowing dad's phone number etc... sometimes I lose it and shout and slam doors, have tussles over doors he's holding open or shut or whatever, and tonight was one of those nights. Partner gets to know about it not only from son (skype) but because I phone in desperation only to be told not to fncking skype and interrupt the football and his supper. .... emails ensue and he's now saying we should go to a child psychologist with a recording I made to demonstrate how he doesn't do what he's told ... only for partner to say it's 4min 40 seconds showing how OTT, repetitive and out of control I was telling him repeatedly to do x y and z (in fact those were my suggested words to take the place of what he said, which was that it was evidence that I was abusing our son). For anyone in any doubt, yes we are supposed to be a couple, we are supposed to be working on being together however being told I'm abusing our son doesn't fill me with confidence that that's what he has in mind long term. Anyone any thoughts?

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