Will he ever open up and commit? Am I wasting my time?

Hello – New to the board here. I've been following for quite some time and this is just the place that I know I can come to for sound advice. I find great comfort in knowing that. I will try to make this as short, sweet and simple as possible although my situation is a bit complicated. I'm 38, have a 19 year old daughter and he is 37 with two small daughters from a previous marriage. We have lived together for going on five years in September. Things happened rather quickly for us. He was separated when we got together and just finalized their divorce last year. Now, I'm wife material. Want nothing more than to settle down. I love and I love unconditionally and selflessly. I'm amazing to him and his children. Am more than a stepmom and live in "pretend" wife. I'm ready for commitment and for marriage and would like to know where our future is headed. It's been long enough in where he should know, right? Well, it's been rather difficult with him. Every time I bring up the subject of marriage he won't discuss it in lots of detail and I have to argue to get ANYTHING out of him. He says different things at different times. That if he could be engaged to me right now he would and that he does have intentions of marrying me, however, he can't afford to buy a ring. Sometimes he says that marriage is just a piece of paper, why can't I just be content with how it is? When I tell him that I at least would like some form of commitment, maybe a ring he goes on to say how is that showing commitment? Our lease is up in June and I'm wanting to buy or rent in a more "home" type of environment as we live in an apartment now. He wants to move to the city that his daughters live in which is a ½ hour away from where we live now. It's a bit too far for me from my family, my daughter's college, my job, etc. so I'm willing to COMPROMISE on somewhere in between. Well, when we picked up his daughters last Friday I wanted to have the "talk" as it's been weighing on my mind heavily. I asked him if he was open to compromising in moving to somewhere which is middle ground for both of us and he said that he has his mind set on where he wants to move and that's all to it. That he really doesn't want to compromise. That HE has a goal. I told him that he's in a relationship and his goals should be about US and not only him. That if he has single minded goals that maybe he should be single. He asked "why do you want to talk about this now" and I responded with because you NEVER want to discuss our future and every time we pick up the girls and we "play" family thoughts of my future come in and where we're headed. I do all of this and I have nothing to show for it. So he told me "there is a time and place for everything, why must you force me to talk?" so I let it go. I said can you please promise to talk to me this week? He said yes. Now that was HUGE as he is super proud and stubborn, spoiled and won't do anything if he feels "forced" to. Well, yesterday it weighed heavily on my mind and I was hoping to talk with him. I actually planned my entire day trying to figure out the best way to bring it up. Hoping I'd get more of a positive response. He does extra curriculars and when I say that I mean, drink beers every other day and he smokes marijuana on a daily basis. Yesterday, when I was getting ready to approach him I asked him first if he ate a special brownie that I knew he had and he said yes. I said bummer, I was hoping to talk to you tonight. He said, why do you need to talk now? Do you need to be such a Debbie Downer when you know I'm high? Now is not the time. So I got really upset. I said WHEN is the time?! I've been wanting to talk to you for the longest time and it's NEVER the time. He said that I force him to talk and that I expect him to say what I want to hear when I want to hear it. I said that's not true. You can NEVER talk about anything that is important to ME. After four years and going on five years I deserve a conversation about where your thoughts are regarding the future. I told him that it can't be his way or the highway every time. So his response was "yes it is though, with this situation it is". So I told him that's your answer? You won't even discuss with me? I'm so tired of living as a wife, being such a wonderful woman to you and your children and you can't even respect me enough or love me enough to talk to me about something that is so important to me? Your spiked brownies and beers are your priority? He said that if I would have waited till later in the evening that we could talk. So I said ok, we'll talk later. He said never mind, that I spent my dime *****ing him out and that I ruined my chance to talk. Now, I didn't even say or do anything bad! How can I be punished for wanting to have an adult conversation? I lost it. Started sobbing uncontrollably. I told him that I didn't want this anymore. That if he doesn't see a future for us to let me know so I can move on! He said that I could have waited. That he promised to talk to me this week and it was only Tuesday. I told him that it doesn't have to be on his terms. I spend my LIFE living on his terms. I told him "can't you see that I'm hurting that you don't want to talk to me about anything important to me?" He said why can't you just let nature take its course? I said because it's been years already and you NEVER talk. I know that he is bitter and resentful as his ex wife cheated on him and left him for another man and is now re-married. I know that he gave her the WORLD. Did everything SHE WANTED and he is bitter and resentful for that but why do I, as the GOOD woman have to suffer for what she did to him? I deserve everything that he gave her and I get the crap end of the stick? I have sacrificed A LOT for this man. I have provided so much to him. The lease is in my name, his car was repo'd six months ago so he uses my car and I play chauffer, etc. I've moved in the last four years to every area he's wanted to live in. His credit is shot due to bankruptcy and her car was in his name and she let that get repo'd as well as his current rep so he's screwed there. I've been patient and tried to help him get his life together and he gets upset every time we have to talk about finances. He is very strong minded and won't budge. It's his way or the highway. Now, with all that I am to him WHY can't I get a conversation? Now, I get that he wants to be closer to his daughters and that's important to him but according to him he only wants to rent where they are in case his ex wife decides to move with them. She is remarried but has never been faithful to any man so I don't see her staying in one place for long. Now, I don't want to spend my life bouncing from home to home in order to follow her and his children around. I want to find my forever home and set a foundation for MY daughter and for my future grandchildren. I'm willing to compromise for this man meeting him halfway and he won't do that for me? We're in a relationship and a couple. It's about meeting halfway and having mutual decisions. IF we were married the conversation and my needs would be very different and I'd be more willing to do what he wants but the truth is he hasn't even put a ring on it and won't even discuss it with me without me having to fight it out of him. Why should I sacrifice what I want because it's his way or the highway? I'm just so drained and am honestly beyond depressed right now. I love this man so very much. There is so much invested. Our children, his family, my family, etc. Why can't he meet me halfway and give me what I want? Why the stubbornness and pride? His sisters even tell me that he's very spoiled and narcissistic. It hurts that he is so unwilling to open up to me (which I get that he may be stubborn because he was hurt and a wall is up) but he's going to lose the greatest thing that has happened to him because of his "my way or the highway" mentality. I feel so used. Like he's just with me because I'm a convenience. He has a live in maid, cook, babysitter and a good role model for his children. I'm an attractive woman with a good job, a good head on her shoulders, want to settle down and have a good life. I feel so taken for granted. I just want to know if I'm wrong? Am I being too impatient? Should I let "nature take its course"? Will he ever budge? Am I wasting my time? Should I move on? Should I not require marriage from him? The thought of moving on really breaks my heart because I am 150% madly in love with him and in it for the long run. I just feel like I'm going crazy and don't even know what is right or wrong anymore. I'm sorry for the lengthiness but I'm providing as many details as possible. I look forward to hearing from some of you and I thank you in advance.

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