So often in life & open forums...we come up against Sexual viewpoints we do not share ...Yes, we are married now... but this subject still comes up... we may struggle to be understood, our views may offend others/ there's offend us....this is an attempt to explain these differences.... It is GOOD to Understand where another is coming from... their foundation if you will.....not to belittle them or put them down - but show "tolerance" (so long as their "sexing" is not hurting others)....it also helps to seek out another who views these things through a similar Lens ....less misunderstandings/hurt in the greatest gift of Pleasure any of us have ever experienced.  . *** Human sexuality can be viewed from 6 perspectives or " lenses," says Dr. Caroline J. Simon, professor of philosophy at Hope College, in Holland, MI. In more than 20 years of teaching classes in sexual ethics, she noticed that most textbooks described only two of them. She has broken these down (below) ....further explanation in her book >> Bringing Sex into Focus: The Quest for Sexual Integrity ..... " Rival views of how sex matters in our pluralistic society often mean that there are few shared understandings, conventions or rules of engagement," she says. "It is little wonder that there is so much pain arising from misunderstanding & so many disappointed expectations in the sexual realm." Quote:
1. Covenantal View ~ "Become one flesh". : Sex forges a permanent bond between 2 people...a representation of God's covenantal relationship, it is a life-uniting act.. the Becoming of "one flesh" meant for marriage only.... to take sex lightly is not only disloyal to one's spouse but also an affront to God... why the Traditional Wedding ceremony contains the words, "What God has joined together, let no man put asunder."
2. Procreative View ~ "Be Fruitful & multiply" :The purpose of sex is to produce children...Thus sex must be heterosexual, genital & "embrace the hope of fruitfulness." Also acknowledges that sexual relations that lack present enjoyment would hamper the marriage bond - whether they conceive or not.
3. Romantic View ~  "save yourself for the one, your beloved" ....
Sex should be reserved for those who are deeply in love with the strings of emotional attachment/commitment. Loveless sex is not appropriate, People should be sexually faithful as long as love lasts. Those who hold the romantic view often talk in terms of sex as sacred, as a Gift to be preserved & given to someone of profound significance.
Romantic view holds that sex should be connected with a thirst for deep psychological & bodily knowledge, Mutually reciprocated gift-giving & intimacy are it's purpose.
The feeling of being in love is a feeling that one's beloved is an irreplaceable soul mate.
Complications arise, however, when romantic feelings do not last or when someone who has made a commitment to sexual exclusivity finds himself or herself in love with someone else.
The romantic view emphasizes interpersonal intimacy, but sees the duration of commitment as contingent. Commitment lasts for as long as romantic love lasts. But commitment is a must. A one-time encounter with a stranger may be consensual -but it would not be appropriate for those who hold the Romantic view.
4. "Plain Sex" view~ "just enjoy it for what it is".... Cultural constructs linking love & sex are outmoded: Sexual desire is an acute bodily desire for physical contact with another. Sex is an intensely pleasurable physical activity. Sex should be based on mutual consent leading to mutual sexual satisfaction, so that "noone gets hurt."
In the 1970's, Alan Goldman , penned an article entitled "Plain Sex" -speaking of the times reliable & convenient birth control & undermined any link between sex & commitment.
With the practice of "safe sex," recreational sex began to seem appropriate between consenting adults. Throughout history...many seen sex "for pleasure alone" ... but before reliable contraception such people were widely viewed as irresponsible libertines and gigolos, if male, and for females, the word even worse.
This view claims feels the above views are outdated, no longer do we need to link Love & sex..... Sexuality is now best seen as simply an acute physical desire for an intensely pleasurable physical activity that naturally leads to engaging in bodily exploration.
This view puts its emphasis on mutual consent/ mutual consideration leading to mutual satisfaction. When "no one gets hurt" and each party gets what he or she wants, plain sex appears to avoid lots of problems.
5. Power View ~ Sexuality is a potent instrument for controlling others/ sex wields power". ... Sexual desire is the desire to possess another, while wanting to avoid being objectified by the other. One must be savvy to the potential for sexual exploitation, manipulation and violence (in it's rawest forms).
Sexuality is seen as "energy", as a force, Sexual interaction lays us bare & can strip us of control as we surrender to desire. Knowing oneself as a being who commands another's sexual attention is invigorating / experiencing oneself as sexually attractive is enlivening. Yet this power is fragile & leaves you at the mercy of another's way of seeing - when I become a "sex object," someone else decides whether I am valued, set aside, desired or dismissed.
In order to seize control & not be controlled, I need to objectify my sexual "partner" (in thought or by actions) before my sexual "partner" can objectify me... "Partner" becomes a misnomer because the mutuality of such encounters is mutual rivalry in a contest over power.
Self-Protection is vital here...one must enter into sexual relationships with one's eyes wide open, savvy about the potential for exploitation & manipulation, taking care to preserve one's own dignity by not being the victim of another's conscious or unconscious exertions of power.
6. Expressive View~ "a form of self expression"...Sex is a source of personal empowerment that is central to human flourishing. Sexual restraint is unnatural but sexuality should be used without hampering the empowerment of others
Sexual expression garners creative power. Writer Sally Tinsdale voices a modest version of this view saying .... "Sex can help us to like ourselves and find a generosity of spirit, open ourselves to the world and simply be alive".... another calls it "body language".....
Another says ..."I believe that the celebration of the erotic & of our desire to express it sexually ought to be a major issue in our life together because it is the primary wellspring of our capacity to be creative together ... to love one another, write poetry, struggle for justice & friendship".
Because the expressive lens sees sexual expression as vital to personal empowerment, it sees sexual restraint as diminishing or warping the self.
The importance placed on sexual expression as part of a full human life sets the view apart from the plain sex view, as it is more than just a desire for pleasure..however intense. It sees sexuality and sexual activity as central to one's identity.
| Please share your Journey of Sexual views........ if you have always held to 1 ... have jumped from "Covenant" (if you grew up with this) but struggled/ rebelled... jumped to "Plain sex" ....to "Expressive" ...or perhaps you've always looked through a "Romantic Lens" ? Or maybe you have another ! And what, if any, will you impress upon your children....do they understand the various lenses they may come up against ~ in dating ? Would appreciate your feedback! |
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