Made a very bad choice

In early January my wife learned about a yearlong A I had with a much younger woman who does not live in my city. The OW lives in a city where I did work a few times a year. I have resigned from that job and trying to find work in my hometown. I have been married 18+ years and have two great kids (teenagers). I am still living in the house (basement). I ended the A immediately and have been seeing a counselor and have going back to church regularly.She is seeing prof. help also but has not agreed to see a MC. The remorse I for what I have done is painful.I see my wife devastated by my actions.I see the pain that I have caused every time I look at her.My wife is a beautiful, intelligent and giving woman and I lost track of that.Why did I cheat? I thought she didn't love me anymore,we hardly communicated and there seemed to be little/no affection for the past few years.The impact of my choice has affected not only my family, but her parents a nd close friends. All our friends were both of our friends-thus, I don't have any friends. My wife says she needs time and space.She told me last night that she doesn't know if she can ever love me again.I am hoping some of that statement is anger and she can learn to love me again.I feel like the worst person in the world and want to do whatever it takes to be forgiven by my wife, kids and anyone I have affected. I am terrified how to live on my own without her and the kids.I don't know how to go on without the thought of them in my everyday life...I am not a bad person, I made a bad choice.

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