During a conversation with my STBXWW recently, she mentioned that in our earlier years, I had been 'more attentive' (and accordingly, we had a much better sex life). However, later, I had become 'less attentive', which of course was her justification for serial cheating.
The funny thing is, here's how I recall our relationship: In our early days, I was a selfish person.. generally used to being single and successful with women. We both worked (she even made more money), but she cleaned and cooked, I played video games, and basically just took her out to hang out with my friends. Pretty much not a great person. Eventually I matured, caught on when she complained, and improved myself. Many years later, she's without a job (and then a SAHM with a kid in daycare), I'm earning, I'm watching the kid when I get home so she can take a rest, I'm taking him out on weekends so she can relax, helping out with dishes and trash and lawn care and whatnot, and generally being (IMO) a much better partner. However, this is the 'bad period' for her.
Reading around elsewhere here, and sites mentioned such as marriedmansexlife.com, I'm starting to think that, because I continually conceded this ground to her in the interest of taking care of her feelings, I became the beta and she lost sexual interest. In fact, on our last date, she basically bossed me around -- sending me to get drinks, having me hold hers so she could dance, and things like that. I even mentioned how some guy and I got into a pissing match because he tried to jump line to get a drink, and she said "Next time just call me in honey, I'll handle it." That made me furious.. I stopped being selfish in order to be kind, and it seems I'm just punished for it.
Now, the concept of being 'alpha male' in a relationship is a thorny one, and I'm wary of MRA-types and typically very supportive of women. But I've also been hearing from very independent women as well that, yeah, they still like the guy to be a bit of the boss.
So, long-time marrieds here.. thoughts? Counterarguments? I'd like to get a bit outside the echo chamber I've been immersed in if I can. Next relationship, do I need to continue to make a conscious effort to maintain alpha status (to an extent, of course) in order to keep respect and fidelity sacred, or was I just married to an example of a person who wasn't representative of a lot of women?
The funny thing is, here's how I recall our relationship: In our early days, I was a selfish person.. generally used to being single and successful with women. We both worked (she even made more money), but she cleaned and cooked, I played video games, and basically just took her out to hang out with my friends. Pretty much not a great person. Eventually I matured, caught on when she complained, and improved myself. Many years later, she's without a job (and then a SAHM with a kid in daycare), I'm earning, I'm watching the kid when I get home so she can take a rest, I'm taking him out on weekends so she can relax, helping out with dishes and trash and lawn care and whatnot, and generally being (IMO) a much better partner. However, this is the 'bad period' for her.
Reading around elsewhere here, and sites mentioned such as marriedmansexlife.com, I'm starting to think that, because I continually conceded this ground to her in the interest of taking care of her feelings, I became the beta and she lost sexual interest. In fact, on our last date, she basically bossed me around -- sending me to get drinks, having me hold hers so she could dance, and things like that. I even mentioned how some guy and I got into a pissing match because he tried to jump line to get a drink, and she said "Next time just call me in honey, I'll handle it." That made me furious.. I stopped being selfish in order to be kind, and it seems I'm just punished for it.
Now, the concept of being 'alpha male' in a relationship is a thorny one, and I'm wary of MRA-types and typically very supportive of women. But I've also been hearing from very independent women as well that, yeah, they still like the guy to be a bit of the boss.
So, long-time marrieds here.. thoughts? Counterarguments? I'd like to get a bit outside the echo chamber I've been immersed in if I can. Next relationship, do I need to continue to make a conscious effort to maintain alpha status (to an extent, of course) in order to keep respect and fidelity sacred, or was I just married to an example of a person who wasn't representative of a lot of women?
Put the internet to work for you.
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