My husband and I have been married for 6 years now, we have two beautiful children together and despite our problems, I love my husband very much! He is 9 years older than myself and although I was only 20 years old when I had our oldest son, I quit school and went to work to support my family. The problem was, he was 9 years older and he did nothing to try to help with bills or household responsibilities. When I would ask for financial help, he would get angry and throw money at me. He has always worked for his dad, just the two of them. There were several times, I would call his dad because he wouldn't answer his phone and I was worried and his dad would say he hadn't seen him all day but he would tell me he was working. When I ask him about this, he just gets angry and says it was a long time ago and he's right so I let it go. After years of trying to make it work and being away from our children so I could pay bills, crying to my husband about how I n eeded his support, I needed him to show me affection, tell me he loved me (he has only said it maybe 5 times), I made a mistake. I had an affair with my former boss. He had been sending me nasty messages online and it bothered me, but I was afraid to tell HR at work because my husband (he used to accuse me of cheating all the time) had come to work and made a fool out us both because a guy I worked with sent me a message and I knew that he was unable to have sex because he had prostate cancer and his ex wife said he couldn't get it up so I thought I would call his bluff and I thought he would be embarrassed and stop! But he didn't, instead he arranged for us to meet at a hotel and I went, I didn't think he could do anything which turns out was true but it didn't stop him from trying. He was substantially older and I wasn't attracted to him at all but I didn't know what to do, after all, it was my fault. I got myself into that situation and I had no idea how to get out. Short ly after, he said that he had a gift for me at his apartment and he really wanted me to see his new place so I went over there. He had an envelope of money for me, I felt so uncomfortable, like he thought he could pay me to be with him so I told him I wasn't sure what he expected but I wasn't giving anything and he said he understood and expected nothing. I came over again because he offered to fix breakfast, he ended up attempting to seduce me again and I just gave in. I again, let it happen. I was too worried about my job and keeping him from telling my husband what I had done that I went along with it. I finally got up the nerve to tell him that I could no longer be around him or talk to him unless he understood that we were nothing more than friends and he agreed. He and I continued a friendship, that was all and although I visited on occasion it was mostly to learn about our job and because he gave me money, for 2 years. I ended up telling my husband everything after he questioned me one afternoon. I didn't come out with the part about the money at first but I did tell him a couple of weeks later because I didn't want to lie anymore. He says that he wants to stay together and work on our marriage but he has done nothing to improve his behavior. We have gone to counseling but he won't do any of the assignments because he says he feels like I'm still hiding something and I am not. For nine years, I paid all of our bills on my own, I provided him with insurance, meals, a roof over his head, and 2 children and he never appreciated me. I talked to him so many times and he would never change. I quit my job, that paid $ 80,000.00 a year because he wasn't comfortable with me being there. I deleted my facebook account and I am now a stay at home mom. I do not get on my phone unless it's to make or receive a call, on occasion I text my parents and now he is fussing that I'm never on my phone. He says he wants to reconcile but he is so mean to me so often! I just don't understand, if I'm such a terrible person, why does he stay? I don't know what else to do to try to make this work. I was definitely in the wrong for what I did, I don't blame anyone but myself for the situation I'm in. I just feel so confused about what to do! Should I leave? I want to work this out, but it's crazy some days we get along great and all is well but most of the time, he's angry. He wants to have sex all the time and if I say no, he gets angry but if we do it and I'm not into it he gets angry. I just want us to come out of this stronger than we were. I do feel like he loves me, I know he just doesn't know how to show it and I love this man with all my heart! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
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