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Emotional Torture, why do we do it?

So a little back story I posted a couple threads on here and you all have been helpful, actually helped me hang in there this long doing the 180 plan until today when I was just missing my family unit so much. I have been married for almost 4 yrs been together for 6. We have a great blended family of 2+2+1, our son is 41/2 &autistic.
A little over a month ago my husband left and went to his Mom's. During the course of our marriage we have had our share of rough spots, including his self medicating for his bipolar and ADHD that is where we currently are still and me suffering from PPDepression after our son was born and fibromylagia which this since the beginning of this year I have been loosing weight and I have been doing everything I can to get what I can of the old me back. My husband has been going back to the days before he was with me, before I knew him. He is staying out late drinking excessive amounts, no affair I know that is the question he has told me about the one he had.
I have thou slipped and texted him that I was hoping we could R in the future but that could be taken so many ways, can't it? I am such a fool!

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