I've been in a relationship with a great gal for the past 2 1/2 yrs. We're very compatible, we have similar interests, the sex is great, we never have any real fights, we get along well and have a great time together.
Here's the problem:
She wants more, I want the same, or even less.
We see each other around 5 days and nights per week in general. She wants to live together so we can be together 7 days a week although she's ok with us having our own nights out with friends.
If it was up to me, I'd get together 3-4 days/nights per week, like I've done with other girlfriends since my divorce, and maintain our separate residences indefinitely. I live in a condo that I purchased 6 years ago after my divorce, it's my "man-cave" and a source of security for me that I'm unable/unwilling to give up any time soon. When we're not together, I'm perfectly good with it, I enjoy the alone time, whereas she doesn't do well when we're not together and she calls me.. sometimes 3-4x on a night that we're not together. I'll stay on the phone with her because I know she's hurting but it's just not my thing.
She lives in a nice house in an upscale neighborhood, and she'd really like me to move in with her but I'm just not ready to take that step and I'm not sure that I'm ever going to be ready.
She'd get married if I asked her but I have no intention of ever getting married again and I did say that from day one, although I did indicate that I was looking for a long term exclusive relationship and while that's what we have, she feels that I've sort of short changed her because I'm not willing to give her the commitment that comes with cohabitating.
She's also got an 11 year old son, he's a great kid and we get along well but that's another dynamic that comes into play when we talk about possibly moving in together. I'm just not looking to do the whole family thing again, my 2 daughters are grown; whereas she's almost desperate to rebuild the family she lost in her divorce.
She also correctly points out that I'm a moody sort of guy and I'll occasionally withdraw to some extent and not be there for her emotionally, sometimes for weeks at a time. I mean, I'm there, just withdrawn to some extent. I've always been this way, I jokingly tell her that I'm bipolar (she insists I'm not) but whatever, I do have my ups and downs and when I'm down she takes it personally and it makes her feel very insecure.
Yesterday she was in tears and told me that it's very difficult for her to be in a relationship like this with no promises for the future and me sometimes not being there for her. She said she thinks I view her more as an activity partner and for good sex rather than as a committed lifelong partner.
Part of me wants her to just break up with me but I don't think that's going to happen, so she's hurting and I'm feeling pressured and I feel badly that I'm not able to give her what she wants.
Don't see any way to fix this. Maybe someone else does?
Here's the problem:
She wants more, I want the same, or even less.
We see each other around 5 days and nights per week in general. She wants to live together so we can be together 7 days a week although she's ok with us having our own nights out with friends.
If it was up to me, I'd get together 3-4 days/nights per week, like I've done with other girlfriends since my divorce, and maintain our separate residences indefinitely. I live in a condo that I purchased 6 years ago after my divorce, it's my "man-cave" and a source of security for me that I'm unable/unwilling to give up any time soon. When we're not together, I'm perfectly good with it, I enjoy the alone time, whereas she doesn't do well when we're not together and she calls me.. sometimes 3-4x on a night that we're not together. I'll stay on the phone with her because I know she's hurting but it's just not my thing.
She lives in a nice house in an upscale neighborhood, and she'd really like me to move in with her but I'm just not ready to take that step and I'm not sure that I'm ever going to be ready.
She'd get married if I asked her but I have no intention of ever getting married again and I did say that from day one, although I did indicate that I was looking for a long term exclusive relationship and while that's what we have, she feels that I've sort of short changed her because I'm not willing to give her the commitment that comes with cohabitating.
She's also got an 11 year old son, he's a great kid and we get along well but that's another dynamic that comes into play when we talk about possibly moving in together. I'm just not looking to do the whole family thing again, my 2 daughters are grown; whereas she's almost desperate to rebuild the family she lost in her divorce.
She also correctly points out that I'm a moody sort of guy and I'll occasionally withdraw to some extent and not be there for her emotionally, sometimes for weeks at a time. I mean, I'm there, just withdrawn to some extent. I've always been this way, I jokingly tell her that I'm bipolar (she insists I'm not) but whatever, I do have my ups and downs and when I'm down she takes it personally and it makes her feel very insecure.
Yesterday she was in tears and told me that it's very difficult for her to be in a relationship like this with no promises for the future and me sometimes not being there for her. She said she thinks I view her more as an activity partner and for good sex rather than as a committed lifelong partner.
Part of me wants her to just break up with me but I don't think that's going to happen, so she's hurting and I'm feeling pressured and I feel badly that I'm not able to give her what she wants.
Don't see any way to fix this. Maybe someone else does?
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