ive been with my husband for 12 years and married for 11.5. ive been thru his cheating verbal/mental abuse and addiction and ive chosen to stay hoping that he would wake up and realize 1 day what he had in front of him. he's been away with a school trip for 5 weeks and tho he has had the ability to talk with me he has chosen to be unavailable for most of this trip. he has told me since being gone that he is seeing things thru a different set of eyes and he has many regrets where my 3 children and I are concerned and he wants to make right by us. and yet all I hear are the words his actions still show otherwise. tho im at a loss I woke up this morning and realized his return home in a week feels more like an impending doom than a joyoius reunuion. he has refused a separation in the past so I already know that is not an option for him. I however have com to the realization that im almost 40 and im not even content. no where near content. I don't know if thi s will get better. it doesn't matter what ultimatium I give him I no longer believe that he will change or can change. He suffers from the highest level of PTSD and wont seek treatment and im torturing myself waiting for him to get better. I just don't know how to tell him that tho I still love him with every breath I take that I don't believe that I am still in love with him and that I don't think I can do this anymore. I too have been looking thru a different set of eyes and im not liking what I see at all. is there anyone here that can help me. I don't know if I should leave or stay I don't know what to do. I don't believe in divorce I feel as tho I really haven't been left with a choice at this point and im scared it might be a mistake to walk away from. plz help me. I feel so alone. so lost.
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