Looking for some advice here...
My wife has been offered a lucrative job in an entirely different town. We live in the city now, and this would be in the "middle of nowhere"--a definite change of life. She is seriously thinking about taking this job and really wants me to support this decision, but I'm really having a hard time doing so.
The job pays considerably more than what she is making now. It also requires about 10-15% less hours/week and traffic is minimal. Couple that with the fact that we could get a house about as nice or nicer than ours for 1/3 the cost, and the pay+COL differential is pretty substantial. I'm really having a hard time supporting this, though.
My concerns with this are:
*This really is in the middle of nowhere, about 120 miles south from where we are now. The town is about 50k people, so it's not a true "small town" but outside of that the next biggest city or metro-area is a good 70 miles away. We've lived in the city for several years now and have gotten accustomed to certain conveniences and lifestyles; this would be a complete 180-deg change.
*The good thing is that my job is mobile for now and I can work just about anywhere. The bad thing? There's a really good chance I'll be laid off next year, and simply put there is no industry or jobs for what I do in this town. The city we live in now is very lucrative in my career field (tech/IT), and a new job wouldn't be too hard to find where we live now. I'm not against being a SAHD, and I've thought about doing that, but that's something I want to choose, not be forced.
*We recently did some remodeling in our house and we were finally getting settled and I'm getting comfortable here. We have a solid social circle, good neighbors, family nearby, etc. It's hard to walk away from a comfortable lifestyle.
*Her new job would pay more, but the reality is that we live well below our means now and really don't have a financial need for the extra money. Her current job pays pretty well, but the hours are longer than they've ever been, and her pay/hour has gone down about 10-15% this year. In the new job, she'd be working less hours and would spend less time in the car, but I'm not sure if that offsets the change in quality of life.
On the other hand...:
*The wife is the breadwinner (by far) and she feels like she should have some say here. She works some god-awful hours now, and is not happy in her current situation. They haven't been treating her that great at work, esp. after our kiddo was born. That said, her job is stable and is in no foreseeable risk of going away.
*Her current job isn't far from our house by distance (4.5 mi), but traffic where we live is absolutely horrendous. Her trip home at night takes her 45-60 mins, and they are building like crazy in this city; it's only going to get worse. Traffic in the new town is virtually non-existent.
*Because of the economic boom in our area (albeit, most likely a bubble), we've amassed quite a bit of equity/profit in our house. We are starting to see signs of peaking here, and if we're going to sell for a sizable gain, we probably have about a 6-12 month window to do that.
I'm not necessarily against moving, but I'm not really excited about this either. I feel like I'm trapped right now. The wife says she'll respect my decision if we decide not to go, but I don't want that burden on me either. If we decide to go, she wants my full support, which I understand. I also understand her reasons for wanting to leave, but at my age I'm old enough to know that grass is rarely greener. Our lives are comfortable now, and it's hard to leave a place and time in your life when things are going well. If things were different--we needed the money, I didn't have a job, we didn't have a kid, family wasn't nearby, etc.--I'd say "go for it", but none of those things are true at the moment.
I wish I knew what to do. She's been very supportive of me throughout the years. Years ago, I briefly pursued a career path that would have been very demanding on her; she was very, very supportive then (ultimately due to health reasons and timing, I withdrew from the process). I wish there was something about this opportunity, other than the money, that had a silver lining. There isn't any. And that's why I'm really torn on this. We have about two months to finalize this decision, so I'm trying to keep an open mind, but...
My wife has been offered a lucrative job in an entirely different town. We live in the city now, and this would be in the "middle of nowhere"--a definite change of life. She is seriously thinking about taking this job and really wants me to support this decision, but I'm really having a hard time doing so.
The job pays considerably more than what she is making now. It also requires about 10-15% less hours/week and traffic is minimal. Couple that with the fact that we could get a house about as nice or nicer than ours for 1/3 the cost, and the pay+COL differential is pretty substantial. I'm really having a hard time supporting this, though.
My concerns with this are:
*This really is in the middle of nowhere, about 120 miles south from where we are now. The town is about 50k people, so it's not a true "small town" but outside of that the next biggest city or metro-area is a good 70 miles away. We've lived in the city for several years now and have gotten accustomed to certain conveniences and lifestyles; this would be a complete 180-deg change.
*The good thing is that my job is mobile for now and I can work just about anywhere. The bad thing? There's a really good chance I'll be laid off next year, and simply put there is no industry or jobs for what I do in this town. The city we live in now is very lucrative in my career field (tech/IT), and a new job wouldn't be too hard to find where we live now. I'm not against being a SAHD, and I've thought about doing that, but that's something I want to choose, not be forced.
*We recently did some remodeling in our house and we were finally getting settled and I'm getting comfortable here. We have a solid social circle, good neighbors, family nearby, etc. It's hard to walk away from a comfortable lifestyle.
*Her new job would pay more, but the reality is that we live well below our means now and really don't have a financial need for the extra money. Her current job pays pretty well, but the hours are longer than they've ever been, and her pay/hour has gone down about 10-15% this year. In the new job, she'd be working less hours and would spend less time in the car, but I'm not sure if that offsets the change in quality of life.
On the other hand...:
*The wife is the breadwinner (by far) and she feels like she should have some say here. She works some god-awful hours now, and is not happy in her current situation. They haven't been treating her that great at work, esp. after our kiddo was born. That said, her job is stable and is in no foreseeable risk of going away.
*Her current job isn't far from our house by distance (4.5 mi), but traffic where we live is absolutely horrendous. Her trip home at night takes her 45-60 mins, and they are building like crazy in this city; it's only going to get worse. Traffic in the new town is virtually non-existent.
*Because of the economic boom in our area (albeit, most likely a bubble), we've amassed quite a bit of equity/profit in our house. We are starting to see signs of peaking here, and if we're going to sell for a sizable gain, we probably have about a 6-12 month window to do that.
I'm not necessarily against moving, but I'm not really excited about this either. I feel like I'm trapped right now. The wife says she'll respect my decision if we decide not to go, but I don't want that burden on me either. If we decide to go, she wants my full support, which I understand. I also understand her reasons for wanting to leave, but at my age I'm old enough to know that grass is rarely greener. Our lives are comfortable now, and it's hard to leave a place and time in your life when things are going well. If things were different--we needed the money, I didn't have a job, we didn't have a kid, family wasn't nearby, etc.--I'd say "go for it", but none of those things are true at the moment.
I wish I knew what to do. She's been very supportive of me throughout the years. Years ago, I briefly pursued a career path that would have been very demanding on her; she was very, very supportive then (ultimately due to health reasons and timing, I withdrew from the process). I wish there was something about this opportunity, other than the money, that had a silver lining. There isn't any. And that's why I'm really torn on this. We have about two months to finalize this decision, so I'm trying to keep an open mind, but...
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