I wanted to find an avenue to get some feedback so I hope someone out there can help. I have been married for over 13 years, dated for 7 before getting married. We have a 7 y.o.
Within the first two years of being married, I considered getting an annulment because my husband had made promises about getting a job and being a partner and all he did was sit at home on the couch. He moved into the home I had bought on my own and had no expenses/contributions to the household bills and very little to maintaining it either. After a big blow out and telling him I wanted a divorce he finally got a job, which I had sent his resume to. He kept that job for 5 years up until I went back to work after our child was born.
Once we had a child, our agreement was that he would stay home until we enrolled our son in school. That was nearly 3 years ago and he hasn't even looked for anything. I have sent him job leads and reminded him that he needs to get back to work, he doesn't even have enough SS credits to get anything when he retires. I have been working FT this entire relationship and carrying all the expenses for all of us. I have a very good job that pays enough to cover the family expenses, but I don't think it's fair to me to pay for his "fun money" and him to take my car and burn gas and not even make an effort to put something back for what he uses up. My anger and feeling like a paycheck has been building.
Recently, my son has been going thru some issues also. He had a really rough year in school and I had some big medical issues that had him worried about me. Hubby rides him about some really dumb stuff like the clothes he picks to wear and barely takes him outside. My son has asked me to get him a new daddy. I started to discuss getting a pet for him with my husband. It was not a popular subject with hubby because it would involve work to care for a pet and he said he didn't want to have to do it. I told him I would take care of it and we went back and forth between a puppy/kitten. Finally I found a puppy that I thought would be good, but he was a couple states away. When I told my husband he said he would go with us and he would drive. He met the puppy and played with him and petted him and I thought all was well.
Well, sometime within 48 hours of bringing the dog home, he went from liking the dog to not liking it, screaming at me and telling my son he's mad at me for the dog being here. I have over heard him criticize me to my son previously.
Things have not been great for a couple years now. I wrote up a separation agreement last year and have it on my computer at work. I just don't know how to follow thru. I don't think he would do anything violent, but he screams at me out of the blue sometimes and of course everything is my fault and he is never wrong. He's so angry at everything and always worried what everyone else will think. He's very judgmental of other people and has something critical to say about pretty much everyone in the world. There is no intimacy and very little communication left. I even started searching for apartments for me and the dog, but I don't want to leave my child. My SIL says I should not leave because it's my house and the only $ he has contributed was part of the down payment years ago.
And just a note on counseling, we went once in those first few years. He refused for a long time and then only went once. My son goes to a therapist, and he refuses to go with me there to discuss our different parenting views/styles.
If anyone has any advise please share. Thanks in advance!
Within the first two years of being married, I considered getting an annulment because my husband had made promises about getting a job and being a partner and all he did was sit at home on the couch. He moved into the home I had bought on my own and had no expenses/contributions to the household bills and very little to maintaining it either. After a big blow out and telling him I wanted a divorce he finally got a job, which I had sent his resume to. He kept that job for 5 years up until I went back to work after our child was born.
Once we had a child, our agreement was that he would stay home until we enrolled our son in school. That was nearly 3 years ago and he hasn't even looked for anything. I have sent him job leads and reminded him that he needs to get back to work, he doesn't even have enough SS credits to get anything when he retires. I have been working FT this entire relationship and carrying all the expenses for all of us. I have a very good job that pays enough to cover the family expenses, but I don't think it's fair to me to pay for his "fun money" and him to take my car and burn gas and not even make an effort to put something back for what he uses up. My anger and feeling like a paycheck has been building.
Recently, my son has been going thru some issues also. He had a really rough year in school and I had some big medical issues that had him worried about me. Hubby rides him about some really dumb stuff like the clothes he picks to wear and barely takes him outside. My son has asked me to get him a new daddy. I started to discuss getting a pet for him with my husband. It was not a popular subject with hubby because it would involve work to care for a pet and he said he didn't want to have to do it. I told him I would take care of it and we went back and forth between a puppy/kitten. Finally I found a puppy that I thought would be good, but he was a couple states away. When I told my husband he said he would go with us and he would drive. He met the puppy and played with him and petted him and I thought all was well.
Well, sometime within 48 hours of bringing the dog home, he went from liking the dog to not liking it, screaming at me and telling my son he's mad at me for the dog being here. I have over heard him criticize me to my son previously.
Things have not been great for a couple years now. I wrote up a separation agreement last year and have it on my computer at work. I just don't know how to follow thru. I don't think he would do anything violent, but he screams at me out of the blue sometimes and of course everything is my fault and he is never wrong. He's so angry at everything and always worried what everyone else will think. He's very judgmental of other people and has something critical to say about pretty much everyone in the world. There is no intimacy and very little communication left. I even started searching for apartments for me and the dog, but I don't want to leave my child. My SIL says I should not leave because it's my house and the only $ he has contributed was part of the down payment years ago.
And just a note on counseling, we went once in those first few years. He refused for a long time and then only went once. My son goes to a therapist, and he refuses to go with me there to discuss our different parenting views/styles.
If anyone has any advise please share. Thanks in advance!
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