Hey guys and girls!!.. First time poster with a bit of an issue I'm hoping you friendly people can help with..
Like a lot of other men, I have come here to seek a bit of direction on what I should do in regard to reconciling with my wife, or if it is even possible.. We are currently separated.. We have been together for 10 years, married for 7, and have 2 beautiful children aged 6 and 8.. I am 35, she is 31..
Around 8 weeks ago now, I copped the "love you, but not in love with you" hammer to the heart.. We all know the feelings involved with that, so I won't bore anyone by delving in to it!!.. We lived under the same roof (same bed etc) for the first 5 weeks, but 3 weeks ago she moved out to a place of her own in a different state.. There is a legitimate reason behind the move as we recently moved to a different state which neither of us have any family, and she moved to be back closer to her family.. I understand this..
We spoke at length about the reasons for our separation, and the not in love feeling, and it was mainly due to me being disrespectful within the relationship due to inappropriate name calling, and not fully being appreciative overall.. I have also been a bit intimidating at times during arguments.. I will not argue against any of these points as, looking back, they are completely true.. Please be assured, there was NEVER any physical abuse that happened within the relationship/marriage at all.. I can be intimidating at times, and I realise this..
The decision to separate came as a shock to me (as happens to most men/women in this situation), and from what my wife has said, it has been brewing for the last 6-12 months inside her.. Whilst I don't agree with the decision to separate (nobody does!!), I am accepting my wifes decision, and not arguing against her as it will only made matters worse..
Now, keeping in mind she and the kids have been gone for the weeks, I spent the first week or so grovelling, begging and generally being annoying trying to get her to change her mind.. The last week or 2, I have found a bit of inner peace between the hurt, and have backed off with the tactics which will only push her away further..
During the separation so far, we have both been amicable and are having no arguments.. I talk to the kids either via Skype or phone call every second day (my choice, there is no restriction).. My wife and I talk on an almost daily basis either through text, phone or Facebook messages..
When I have spoken to my wife about us, she mentions that she doesn't miss me, that she is happy with the way things are, and her feelings haven't changed.. She mentions that I should move on, and is no longer wearing her ring on her finger, but on a necklace.. Given that it is only 3 weeks in, is this her "honeymoon phase" of separation??.. She does still care for my feelings though, and tries to make sure I am ok..
I can assure everyone that there is no other parties involved from either side.. I will be moving to the same state to be closer to the kids in the very near future, and initially will be getting a place of my own.. We have mutually agreed that this is a good decision..
My wife is a very strong woman, and is a hard nut to crack!!.. This is one thing that makes me think that what is being shown on the outer, is not what the inside is thinking.. The no contact method WILL NOT work for her (let me tell you that now!!).. I know her too well, and the communication at the moment is good..
Given the information above, would you think that there is a chance of reconciliation??.. If so, how should I go about it??..
Thanks in advance for any advice..
Like a lot of other men, I have come here to seek a bit of direction on what I should do in regard to reconciling with my wife, or if it is even possible.. We are currently separated.. We have been together for 10 years, married for 7, and have 2 beautiful children aged 6 and 8.. I am 35, she is 31..
Around 8 weeks ago now, I copped the "love you, but not in love with you" hammer to the heart.. We all know the feelings involved with that, so I won't bore anyone by delving in to it!!.. We lived under the same roof (same bed etc) for the first 5 weeks, but 3 weeks ago she moved out to a place of her own in a different state.. There is a legitimate reason behind the move as we recently moved to a different state which neither of us have any family, and she moved to be back closer to her family.. I understand this..
We spoke at length about the reasons for our separation, and the not in love feeling, and it was mainly due to me being disrespectful within the relationship due to inappropriate name calling, and not fully being appreciative overall.. I have also been a bit intimidating at times during arguments.. I will not argue against any of these points as, looking back, they are completely true.. Please be assured, there was NEVER any physical abuse that happened within the relationship/marriage at all.. I can be intimidating at times, and I realise this..
The decision to separate came as a shock to me (as happens to most men/women in this situation), and from what my wife has said, it has been brewing for the last 6-12 months inside her.. Whilst I don't agree with the decision to separate (nobody does!!), I am accepting my wifes decision, and not arguing against her as it will only made matters worse..
Now, keeping in mind she and the kids have been gone for the weeks, I spent the first week or so grovelling, begging and generally being annoying trying to get her to change her mind.. The last week or 2, I have found a bit of inner peace between the hurt, and have backed off with the tactics which will only push her away further..
During the separation so far, we have both been amicable and are having no arguments.. I talk to the kids either via Skype or phone call every second day (my choice, there is no restriction).. My wife and I talk on an almost daily basis either through text, phone or Facebook messages..
When I have spoken to my wife about us, she mentions that she doesn't miss me, that she is happy with the way things are, and her feelings haven't changed.. She mentions that I should move on, and is no longer wearing her ring on her finger, but on a necklace.. Given that it is only 3 weeks in, is this her "honeymoon phase" of separation??.. She does still care for my feelings though, and tries to make sure I am ok..
I can assure everyone that there is no other parties involved from either side.. I will be moving to the same state to be closer to the kids in the very near future, and initially will be getting a place of my own.. We have mutually agreed that this is a good decision..
My wife is a very strong woman, and is a hard nut to crack!!.. This is one thing that makes me think that what is being shown on the outer, is not what the inside is thinking.. The no contact method WILL NOT work for her (let me tell you that now!!).. I know her too well, and the communication at the moment is good..
Given the information above, would you think that there is a chance of reconciliation??.. If so, how should I go about it??..
Thanks in advance for any advice..
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