Just when I thought we have put our troubles behind us..
My H is building resentment towards me because we live in his house that he had to work for. The idea to charging me rent has come up more than once, he said $ 650 a month.
My H tell me that I want to be old fashion when it soothe me but all the other times benefit from the civil rights movement. (aka feminist)
More info - he doesn't have a mortgage and I already pay half the bills. I want to pay at least half for groceries but he didn't let me until recently.
Also I have put great deal of work in this house, it has been completely remodeled. I do demo, drywall and paint - exterior/interior. He does more challenging tasks like electrical/pluming/carpentry
I also do most of the chores, he takes out garbage. I admit, I don't cook every day, I work and then do remodel and i would ask him to take me out on days like that instead cooking at home.
I have been able to save up some money, more than 10k since I have lived with him from my job (we have separate finances), I have a little school debt that I want to pay back and that money was supposed to be used for that.
My Husband is resenting me saving money because he hasn't saved any, he pays for the materials and for the few workers he has hired for some remodel projects. His saving account is maybe $25 k, used to be more.
He said that I am acting like we are equals but we are not, he said to pony up 60 grand and then we would be equal. I am nearly 10 yr younger and said that that is a disadvantage financially bc I haven't had time to save up more money.
I want to pay my school debt back (I almost have enough) so I can start contribute more for us. His education was paid by his folks so he never had any school debt.
We have had rough first three years of living together, I thought it was bc of living condition during remodel. We could hardly get a day off, we would work on the house on our days off our jobs. Since the house is almost done I thought our bad days are behind us but yesterday we had the biggest fight ever so far.
He said it was because I wanted to go on a holiday but didn't plan anything at all. It was an inspiration of a moment for me, I woke up Sunday morning and decided that I didn't want to do construction that day. I asked to go and he agreed. We payed about 50:50 for the trip.
I suggested going to a lake but we ended up wine tasting. It was an hour away and we had the first stop in the GPS. He was driving I was in the passenger seat. He asked me to look at the map and plan out more stops as we were driving and I said, lets wait till the first stop because I get motion sickness if I try to read something. He didn't think that is valid excuse. He was basically irritated that we are going on a holiday (wine tasting) without a plan. I said I like relaxing and exploring.
Long story long - after the first tasting we felt better and went for another one suggested by the lady that pored. IT was a small/ intimate winery that we liked so much we signed up to be club members. That all so far without having a plan. Next winery was another one suggested us by the same lady, we both ended up agreeing that we didn't like it.
Next one was a blind shot in the dark just walking down main street in a small, charming town. That was were things went downhill fast, he didn't like the experience there and asked me for the money back. I gave him the money. We went to the car and started to fight, I said that he is always dissatisfied and hard to please, control freak and obsessed with a structure. He called me names, I called him names, he kept saying (in a very laud manner) that I should of looked at the map and I was screaming back at that point. It got worse, It got physical, I started it he finished it.
Divorce talk came up, I said I don't want to make that decision during an argument (big time). I slept in the other room, most of the night, at 3 am he came to get me he had had some drinks in him. I went to our bed and he put his arms around me and said: "I don't want you to leave".
Anyway the aftermath hasn't given me any answers, I just stare in the wall and don't know what to do. The fighting has become more frequent and more intense. It is like we both lose our mind during the fight, it's like it is not us but some violent, mean demons. He would not go to therapy.
I am 25, still young and could start over he would be left in a good situation with no debts, no kids together.
Here I sit with a bruised lip and bruised arm and think if this is salvageable or not, I moved half a world to be with him so no family near to talk to, plus I want to avoid the pity-party. No one wants to be failure in a marriage.
Just venting on the TAM- the site that my H doesn't like, says it is giving me unrealistic relationship examples.
Thanks for reading and if all you have to say is that we are both F up, save it, I know. Maybe an advice, what would you do, leave, stay and play by his rules, forever stay unequal in the relationship (his words) ?
I hope you are having a better day than I do.
My H is building resentment towards me because we live in his house that he had to work for. The idea to charging me rent has come up more than once, he said $ 650 a month.
My H tell me that I want to be old fashion when it soothe me but all the other times benefit from the civil rights movement. (aka feminist)
More info - he doesn't have a mortgage and I already pay half the bills. I want to pay at least half for groceries but he didn't let me until recently.
Also I have put great deal of work in this house, it has been completely remodeled. I do demo, drywall and paint - exterior/interior. He does more challenging tasks like electrical/pluming/carpentry
I also do most of the chores, he takes out garbage. I admit, I don't cook every day, I work and then do remodel and i would ask him to take me out on days like that instead cooking at home.
I have been able to save up some money, more than 10k since I have lived with him from my job (we have separate finances), I have a little school debt that I want to pay back and that money was supposed to be used for that.
My Husband is resenting me saving money because he hasn't saved any, he pays for the materials and for the few workers he has hired for some remodel projects. His saving account is maybe $25 k, used to be more.
He said that I am acting like we are equals but we are not, he said to pony up 60 grand and then we would be equal. I am nearly 10 yr younger and said that that is a disadvantage financially bc I haven't had time to save up more money.
I want to pay my school debt back (I almost have enough) so I can start contribute more for us. His education was paid by his folks so he never had any school debt.
We have had rough first three years of living together, I thought it was bc of living condition during remodel. We could hardly get a day off, we would work on the house on our days off our jobs. Since the house is almost done I thought our bad days are behind us but yesterday we had the biggest fight ever so far.
He said it was because I wanted to go on a holiday but didn't plan anything at all. It was an inspiration of a moment for me, I woke up Sunday morning and decided that I didn't want to do construction that day. I asked to go and he agreed. We payed about 50:50 for the trip.
I suggested going to a lake but we ended up wine tasting. It was an hour away and we had the first stop in the GPS. He was driving I was in the passenger seat. He asked me to look at the map and plan out more stops as we were driving and I said, lets wait till the first stop because I get motion sickness if I try to read something. He didn't think that is valid excuse. He was basically irritated that we are going on a holiday (wine tasting) without a plan. I said I like relaxing and exploring.
Long story long - after the first tasting we felt better and went for another one suggested by the lady that pored. IT was a small/ intimate winery that we liked so much we signed up to be club members. That all so far without having a plan. Next winery was another one suggested us by the same lady, we both ended up agreeing that we didn't like it.
Next one was a blind shot in the dark just walking down main street in a small, charming town. That was were things went downhill fast, he didn't like the experience there and asked me for the money back. I gave him the money. We went to the car and started to fight, I said that he is always dissatisfied and hard to please, control freak and obsessed with a structure. He called me names, I called him names, he kept saying (in a very laud manner) that I should of looked at the map and I was screaming back at that point. It got worse, It got physical, I started it he finished it.
Divorce talk came up, I said I don't want to make that decision during an argument (big time). I slept in the other room, most of the night, at 3 am he came to get me he had had some drinks in him. I went to our bed and he put his arms around me and said: "I don't want you to leave".
Anyway the aftermath hasn't given me any answers, I just stare in the wall and don't know what to do. The fighting has become more frequent and more intense. It is like we both lose our mind during the fight, it's like it is not us but some violent, mean demons. He would not go to therapy.
I am 25, still young and could start over he would be left in a good situation with no debts, no kids together.
Here I sit with a bruised lip and bruised arm and think if this is salvageable or not, I moved half a world to be with him so no family near to talk to, plus I want to avoid the pity-party. No one wants to be failure in a marriage.
Just venting on the TAM- the site that my H doesn't like, says it is giving me unrealistic relationship examples.
Thanks for reading and if all you have to say is that we are both F up, save it, I know. Maybe an advice, what would you do, leave, stay and play by his rules, forever stay unequal in the relationship (his words) ?
I hope you are having a better day than I do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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