Married for 27 years. We have 2 kids (boy16 & girl 11). Both of us work. We separated 8 months ago.
Her main complain were:
- moody behavior when tired. Specially when I do a lot of housework during weekends. I normally clean the house and do all housework and she does most of the cooking and washing.
- She loves the kids so much. She feels that I need to I need to be closer to them. Two times, I yelled on my son. 1st time when he came home after 11 pm riding his bike to his classmates house which is a mile from our house. I was concerned that something may happen to him. 2nd time, I got upset when I had to pick him from school for his ortho appt. he was on a swim practice and he did not excuse himself to leave early due to the appt. I got upset because we have an appointment and he knows it. I've got upset since I should not yell on the kids.
- always have some negative to talk about
- not a very good listener
- nagged her to quit smoking since I quit. We both smoked and I quit. My mistake. Has her own choice and I cannot push her to do it just because I stopped.
- some times wife and son feels anxious to see what your mood is going to be because you have this tendency to ignore people and make the guests feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome.
- tend to be right during friendly discussion.
- not so appreciative sometimes when she gives me present
I also feel that I neglected our marriage due to work, kids, activities, I travel often times for work, etc, etc, etc.
One day She told me we are having problem. Did not listen and actually got it got quiet. I did not want to create arguments. But that was wrong. She got more distant to me.this lasted for maybe 6 months. Then I started pulling and noticed she kept pulling away. That's when tension started because I was trying to pursue harder. Begging and pressuring. I did not shout or abused her but the tension escalated that she could not take the stress and tension. She ask for separation. Finally I agreed.
1st two months were hard but I tried not to pressure her. But ther were times that I get frustrated and I tried to pursue again.
I wanted to fix our marriage and so I started to understand all the thing that she complained and all things that I do wrong. I am tripping to correct them. Counseling and talking to marriage experts. I understand now that my primary goal is to nurture our marriage and try to practice empathy.
Within the e last 3 or 4 months, I see that she started to become warm to me. We spend weekends with kids and sometimes mother in law for lunch. Sometimes I would stay around at her place (our house) for a few hours, I am sitting with her and she would let me massage her bac, legs and feet. She also lets me kiss her on the cheek when I see her and say goodbye. Our kids and her mom sees this. Father's Day, she and kids gave me present. Recently, had her b-day and I ask her what she want for her b-day.,she told me and I got it for her. I even gave her a surprise dinner a with kids and her mom at our house. She was happy. She even shares her food when she cooks on weekends. Take home.
But when i start to talk about our marriage, I get this answer.
"But I am trying my best to give it a chance which is the reason why I hang out with you.
But for some reason, I get so uncomfortable when you start talking about our relationship.
I don't know why.
And when you ask me to go out, I feel so much pressure.
Right now, I am enjoying a stress-free, pressure-free environment.
That's why I get so rattled when my environment changes.
I don't know why I just get so tired when discussions about us occur.
I feel like my body is shutting down.
I hope you understand that maybe, I'm just not ready for these conversations. when I ask her about our marriage, I got this answer"
I love my wife and kids but I know I not perfect. I will continue to work on myself. I also know that I wanted to provide well for them so she is not stressed with bills and kids. I kept this promise to myself.
My question is "is it possible she maybe considering our marriage"?
I assume that a wife who does not care or does not any affection or feelings to you will not be warm, caring and would not allow me to touch or kiss her.
Are this signs of reconciliation? What should I do? I don't think I need to do 180 at this point correct?
Her main complain were:
- moody behavior when tired. Specially when I do a lot of housework during weekends. I normally clean the house and do all housework and she does most of the cooking and washing.
- She loves the kids so much. She feels that I need to I need to be closer to them. Two times, I yelled on my son. 1st time when he came home after 11 pm riding his bike to his classmates house which is a mile from our house. I was concerned that something may happen to him. 2nd time, I got upset when I had to pick him from school for his ortho appt. he was on a swim practice and he did not excuse himself to leave early due to the appt. I got upset because we have an appointment and he knows it. I've got upset since I should not yell on the kids.
- always have some negative to talk about
- not a very good listener
- nagged her to quit smoking since I quit. We both smoked and I quit. My mistake. Has her own choice and I cannot push her to do it just because I stopped.
- some times wife and son feels anxious to see what your mood is going to be because you have this tendency to ignore people and make the guests feel so uncomfortable and unwelcome.
- tend to be right during friendly discussion.
- not so appreciative sometimes when she gives me present
I also feel that I neglected our marriage due to work, kids, activities, I travel often times for work, etc, etc, etc.
One day She told me we are having problem. Did not listen and actually got it got quiet. I did not want to create arguments. But that was wrong. She got more distant to me.this lasted for maybe 6 months. Then I started pulling and noticed she kept pulling away. That's when tension started because I was trying to pursue harder. Begging and pressuring. I did not shout or abused her but the tension escalated that she could not take the stress and tension. She ask for separation. Finally I agreed.
1st two months were hard but I tried not to pressure her. But ther were times that I get frustrated and I tried to pursue again.
I wanted to fix our marriage and so I started to understand all the thing that she complained and all things that I do wrong. I am tripping to correct them. Counseling and talking to marriage experts. I understand now that my primary goal is to nurture our marriage and try to practice empathy.
Within the e last 3 or 4 months, I see that she started to become warm to me. We spend weekends with kids and sometimes mother in law for lunch. Sometimes I would stay around at her place (our house) for a few hours, I am sitting with her and she would let me massage her bac, legs and feet. She also lets me kiss her on the cheek when I see her and say goodbye. Our kids and her mom sees this. Father's Day, she and kids gave me present. Recently, had her b-day and I ask her what she want for her b-day.,she told me and I got it for her. I even gave her a surprise dinner a with kids and her mom at our house. She was happy. She even shares her food when she cooks on weekends. Take home.
But when i start to talk about our marriage, I get this answer.
"But I am trying my best to give it a chance which is the reason why I hang out with you.
But for some reason, I get so uncomfortable when you start talking about our relationship.
I don't know why.
And when you ask me to go out, I feel so much pressure.
Right now, I am enjoying a stress-free, pressure-free environment.
That's why I get so rattled when my environment changes.
I don't know why I just get so tired when discussions about us occur.
I feel like my body is shutting down.
I hope you understand that maybe, I'm just not ready for these conversations. when I ask her about our marriage, I got this answer"
I love my wife and kids but I know I not perfect. I will continue to work on myself. I also know that I wanted to provide well for them so she is not stressed with bills and kids. I kept this promise to myself.
My question is "is it possible she maybe considering our marriage"?
I assume that a wife who does not care or does not any affection or feelings to you will not be warm, caring and would not allow me to touch or kiss her.
Are this signs of reconciliation? What should I do? I don't think I need to do 180 at this point correct?
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