So I have a long story, but will attempt to make it as short as I can. Basically my husband and I have been together since high school and are now in our 30s. Neither one of us have been perfect, there has been cheating on our both our parts especially in our teens and 20s. Things are different now, we have 2 kids together and we finally decided to get married a few years ago. Of course there are still trust issues, but all in all things were going pretty well. Then out of the blue a few months ago we discovered he has a teenaged child he never knew about. This child was conceived as a result of a one night stand he had when he was 17, and cheated on me at a party. I never found out about it, and he never saw her again. I also became pregnant at that time but Because of many things we decided not to have the baby. Now 17 yrs later there is a kid who wants my husband to b her dad.
Of course we are having huge problems now, and are trying to get threw it. He has been having dinner with her a few times over the past few weeks and I met her for the first time last week, and now she is set to meet my oldest daughter tomorrow then attend a family BBQ next weekend with my husbands fathers family.
Basically I am feeling lost and like an outsider. Of course my husband and I are having problems but beyond that I just feel sort of shut down. I don't know how to accept her or warm to her. She is extremely shy, and is really only having contact with my husband now. I somehow feel threatened by her. As if she is taking my family away from me. Almost feels like an affair in a way. He has these conversations with her and they share things and he doesn't tell me about it. He is starting to feel affection for her and It seems like it is making his feelings towards me and our kids change. It sort of feels like she is taking part of my kids dad from them and I resent it. She is an innocent kid and I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it! It's hard enough to deal with the fact he cheated on me and has another kid, but now she is actually in his life and will be coming around. I feel humiliated that everyone will know he cheated and made a baby with someone else. I have to figure a way to accept this for my own kids so they don't lose us as a family. This girl seems to want to know me too, and refers to me as her stepmom. Just not sure how to accept this and be open and not feel all this resentment and fear. Please help?
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Of course we are having huge problems now, and are trying to get threw it. He has been having dinner with her a few times over the past few weeks and I met her for the first time last week, and now she is set to meet my oldest daughter tomorrow then attend a family BBQ next weekend with my husbands fathers family.
Basically I am feeling lost and like an outsider. Of course my husband and I are having problems but beyond that I just feel sort of shut down. I don't know how to accept her or warm to her. She is extremely shy, and is really only having contact with my husband now. I somehow feel threatened by her. As if she is taking my family away from me. Almost feels like an affair in a way. He has these conversations with her and they share things and he doesn't tell me about it. He is starting to feel affection for her and It seems like it is making his feelings towards me and our kids change. It sort of feels like she is taking part of my kids dad from them and I resent it. She is an innocent kid and I know I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it! It's hard enough to deal with the fact he cheated on me and has another kid, but now she is actually in his life and will be coming around. I feel humiliated that everyone will know he cheated and made a baby with someone else. I have to figure a way to accept this for my own kids so they don't lose us as a family. This girl seems to want to know me too, and refers to me as her stepmom. Just not sure how to accept this and be open and not feel all this resentment and fear. Please help?
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