Hello,
I recently posted on here about my husband and I, but ended up deleting my thread. My husband and I are trying to reconcile after my short affair was discovered.
In a time of low self-esteem, desperation, and reverting to my "party days" I met a guy that told me all the right things and fell for it. It was short lived (a kiss and 2 overnights over 3 weeks), and I can't believe myself for doing it. It was the wrong way to deal with a sh***y situation in my marriage. I gave up.
My husband decided, after three days of me staying at my mom's after the discovery, that he couldn't go through with a divorce, he wanted to change- to be less angry and depressed all the time. We both wanted to cool off on drinking and hurting each other, but that didn't happen right away. I struggled with weekend party days (no infidelity), and he continued to use me as an emotional punching bag when he got frustrated. OM is completely out of the picture. Doesn't even live in the state anymore. After several weeks of me screwing up, him threatening divorce, a week of silent treatment, he "takes me back", I decided enough is enough. No more drinking for me. I said to myself if he could forgive me for the last incident (went out to drink with friends without telling him), I would make a huge effort to let that weekend lifestyle go. And I have. However, I went to visit my grandmother last weekend, taking our toddler with me, and came back to an angry husband who now want s a divorce. His weekend alone reminded him of what happened and how his life would be without me.
He spent the weekend at bars, concerts, playing golf with friends who suggested he get a "hall pass" allowing him to do the same thing to me that I did to him, and it made him angry. I feel blind-sided by this because we were doing fine last week. We had plans to go on a mini-vacation to the beach and had bigger plans for the future.
I don't want to be selfish but the back and forth is killing me. It's painful to see a future every time we reconcile, only for him to get angry and threaten divorce. I'm trying to understand his feelings and be patient. I know I traumatized him and could have ruined our family. The whole situation just hurts and I don't know how to show him how sorry I am. He doesn't believe anything I say and I don't blame him. He doesn't believe in counseling. I just don't know what to do. Give him his "hall pass"? Take the blows every time they come around? I know this effects our child when she sees him blow up on me or when we argue. I'm just at a loss. But I don't want to give up on our marriage and our family again.
I recently posted on here about my husband and I, but ended up deleting my thread. My husband and I are trying to reconcile after my short affair was discovered.
In a time of low self-esteem, desperation, and reverting to my "party days" I met a guy that told me all the right things and fell for it. It was short lived (a kiss and 2 overnights over 3 weeks), and I can't believe myself for doing it. It was the wrong way to deal with a sh***y situation in my marriage. I gave up.
My husband decided, after three days of me staying at my mom's after the discovery, that he couldn't go through with a divorce, he wanted to change- to be less angry and depressed all the time. We both wanted to cool off on drinking and hurting each other, but that didn't happen right away. I struggled with weekend party days (no infidelity), and he continued to use me as an emotional punching bag when he got frustrated. OM is completely out of the picture. Doesn't even live in the state anymore. After several weeks of me screwing up, him threatening divorce, a week of silent treatment, he "takes me back", I decided enough is enough. No more drinking for me. I said to myself if he could forgive me for the last incident (went out to drink with friends without telling him), I would make a huge effort to let that weekend lifestyle go. And I have. However, I went to visit my grandmother last weekend, taking our toddler with me, and came back to an angry husband who now want s a divorce. His weekend alone reminded him of what happened and how his life would be without me.
He spent the weekend at bars, concerts, playing golf with friends who suggested he get a "hall pass" allowing him to do the same thing to me that I did to him, and it made him angry. I feel blind-sided by this because we were doing fine last week. We had plans to go on a mini-vacation to the beach and had bigger plans for the future.
I don't want to be selfish but the back and forth is killing me. It's painful to see a future every time we reconcile, only for him to get angry and threaten divorce. I'm trying to understand his feelings and be patient. I know I traumatized him and could have ruined our family. The whole situation just hurts and I don't know how to show him how sorry I am. He doesn't believe anything I say and I don't blame him. He doesn't believe in counseling. I just don't know what to do. Give him his "hall pass"? Take the blows every time they come around? I know this effects our child when she sees him blow up on me or when we argue. I'm just at a loss. But I don't want to give up on our marriage and our family again.
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