We have talked about this many times on this board and I would like to quote from a book I read recently. The quote is concerning the man and emotional incest from his parents growing up.
Emotionally Unavailable Man by Patti Henry.
"If you were the chosen child, the favorite,the hero in your family it may have felt like you had the perfect childhood being adored by your parents, given special privileges, being the one looked up to, being the smart one, being the responsible one. It can be pretty comfortable and flattering especially if you have siblings that were "difficult." I have found the chosen child is often the most damaged, most wounded, most disconnected from his feelings, most frightened of connection.
Did you have emotional incest in your family? Were you the chosen one?
The emotionally incested child, feeling invaded at some level, violated somehow, begins to put on amour to protect himself. He learns to be the apple of his parent's eye by squirreling away little pieces of himself. He learns not to show certain sides of himself. When a child is loved too much, he builds walls to keep the real him safe.
When a little boy is emotionally incested by his mother he doesn't develop a sense of power especially in regards to women. Here then is a man trapped in his marriage, controlled in his mind by his wife, acting out destructively against the marriage (lying mostly). Having experienced years of not being able to influence the system with his mother, he believes (emotionally) that the situation is the same with his wife. He continues to act as he did as a child.
This feeling of importance so often leads to acting out sexually, going to strip clubs, going to porn shops, watching porn on the internet. It is a primitive way to overcome this feeling of emotional importance. After all a man can go to a strip club and choice from a number of women (feels powerful) to have them strip for him. Yet, of course, it's only pseudo power because without dropping the bucks, his potency is nonexistent."
Emotionally Unavailable Man by Patti Henry.
"If you were the chosen child, the favorite,the hero in your family it may have felt like you had the perfect childhood being adored by your parents, given special privileges, being the one looked up to, being the smart one, being the responsible one. It can be pretty comfortable and flattering especially if you have siblings that were "difficult." I have found the chosen child is often the most damaged, most wounded, most disconnected from his feelings, most frightened of connection.
Did you have emotional incest in your family? Were you the chosen one?
The emotionally incested child, feeling invaded at some level, violated somehow, begins to put on amour to protect himself. He learns to be the apple of his parent's eye by squirreling away little pieces of himself. He learns not to show certain sides of himself. When a child is loved too much, he builds walls to keep the real him safe.
When a little boy is emotionally incested by his mother he doesn't develop a sense of power especially in regards to women. Here then is a man trapped in his marriage, controlled in his mind by his wife, acting out destructively against the marriage (lying mostly). Having experienced years of not being able to influence the system with his mother, he believes (emotionally) that the situation is the same with his wife. He continues to act as he did as a child.
This feeling of importance so often leads to acting out sexually, going to strip clubs, going to porn shops, watching porn on the internet. It is a primitive way to overcome this feeling of emotional importance. After all a man can go to a strip club and choice from a number of women (feels powerful) to have them strip for him. Yet, of course, it's only pseudo power because without dropping the bucks, his potency is nonexistent."
Put the internet to work for you.
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