I've searched the forums and there are similar threads, but nothing that's quite the same so I'm sorry if this is a repeat.
My husband and I started as online friends, we played the same video game almost daily, and after a few years of being friends, when he learned my boyfriend and I had split up and I was re-entering the dating world he decided to ask me out. I won't lie, it was a little strange, but after a year of long-distance dating (whenever we could afford to fly and visit each other we did), we got married. There were three consecutive months where we were living together (visitor's visa expired, which is why it was only three months) which were really, really good. We met each other's needs on so many levels, it was the best relationship I'd ever been in.
But over the course of the last nine years of marriage our sex life has dwindled like crazy. He started getting erectile dysfunction about two years into the marriage and it bothered him, but he didn't want to talk about it/why it was happening. I thought if I left him alone about it, he'd sort it (he said he would). But he didn't, not entirely. A small "patch" to the problem seemed to be when he got very dominant; he wanted to tie me up and have me wear bondage gear (leather, collars, wrist restraints). I tried it and I was into parts of it, but not the way he was and I'm not into humiliation at all as I've got a pretty fragile ego. I thought we could interchange between the rough stuff and the gentle love-making, but when it came time to be gentle he'd lose his erection and I'd cave and pull out the restraints. I really just wanted to be close, but that kind of sex didn't make me feel close to him.
Our sex life has deteriorated even further to where it's once every few months (it was three to five times a week in the beginning). This isn't something I can live with for the rest of my life and that's been really hard to admit to myself. I want that athletic, fun, frequent sex we had in the beginning. Where did that go? What can I do to get it back?
Husband: 42; not in bad shape (he's put on about 20lbs - this doesn't bother me, in fact I prefer him with a little pudge), doesn't like talking about his feelings.
Wife: 33; in good shape (have lost 30lbs), BPD (confirmed, not self-diagnosed) but have improved greatly on controlling it.
No children. Two dogs.
My husband and I started as online friends, we played the same video game almost daily, and after a few years of being friends, when he learned my boyfriend and I had split up and I was re-entering the dating world he decided to ask me out. I won't lie, it was a little strange, but after a year of long-distance dating (whenever we could afford to fly and visit each other we did), we got married. There were three consecutive months where we were living together (visitor's visa expired, which is why it was only three months) which were really, really good. We met each other's needs on so many levels, it was the best relationship I'd ever been in.
But over the course of the last nine years of marriage our sex life has dwindled like crazy. He started getting erectile dysfunction about two years into the marriage and it bothered him, but he didn't want to talk about it/why it was happening. I thought if I left him alone about it, he'd sort it (he said he would). But he didn't, not entirely. A small "patch" to the problem seemed to be when he got very dominant; he wanted to tie me up and have me wear bondage gear (leather, collars, wrist restraints). I tried it and I was into parts of it, but not the way he was and I'm not into humiliation at all as I've got a pretty fragile ego. I thought we could interchange between the rough stuff and the gentle love-making, but when it came time to be gentle he'd lose his erection and I'd cave and pull out the restraints. I really just wanted to be close, but that kind of sex didn't make me feel close to him.
Our sex life has deteriorated even further to where it's once every few months (it was three to five times a week in the beginning). This isn't something I can live with for the rest of my life and that's been really hard to admit to myself. I want that athletic, fun, frequent sex we had in the beginning. Where did that go? What can I do to get it back?
Husband: 42; not in bad shape (he's put on about 20lbs - this doesn't bother me, in fact I prefer him with a little pudge), doesn't like talking about his feelings.
Wife: 33; in good shape (have lost 30lbs), BPD (confirmed, not self-diagnosed) but have improved greatly on controlling it.
No children. Two dogs.
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