I am at the end of the marriage and I will tell her tonight. It is right but it feels so wrong since we are getting along casually so well right now.
I already decided upon divorce three months ago after exposing a serial affair for the third time and she asked for R. I succeeded in ending that affair, but the R has not been very heartfelt. My wife does not talk about her thoughts or feelings so I get to learn by monitoring. She knows I am watching her but has no idea the extent of my abilities to monitor--though she should.
-She visits porn sites, but leaves me cold--no physical intimacy of any kind. I have not even tried to touch her in a month--not even for a hug and she has not appeared to even noticed.
-Regularly searches for apartments and houses in places she wants to live (near the boyfriend I busted).
-Is searching profiles on singles sites several times a week, even though never responds to emails from men on the site. ( I have her logins/passwords to those accounts)
-She occasionally searches for divorce information.
-And is carrying on a long distance with a guy I now believe was another affair, but I don't know the extent of it because she is deleting their Facebook messages almost daily.
All this and when I try to get her to talk about Us she just tells me "All I am thinking about right now is my work" --a lie obviously. I guess she is not ready to move on even though she has given up. I have no clue--she won't talk. I suppose she just wants to put off dealing with the real life consequences of a decision her heart has already made.
We get along really well...have fun together but its obviously very shallow. I should have pushed for therapy a few months ago, but I am exhausted and can no longer continue to put energy and into monitoring her. I can't conceive of another way of building trust back the way she is.
I don't know that I am asking for anything with this, but I felt I had to type this out. Reading it, I must seem walked all over and objectively that is probably the truth.
I wanted it to be different. I did all I could. Time to move on.
I know what I have to do.
I hope we can do this with mediation. We have the net worth feed of a lot of lawyering but not enough to avoid financial devastation in the aftermath.
I already decided upon divorce three months ago after exposing a serial affair for the third time and she asked for R. I succeeded in ending that affair, but the R has not been very heartfelt. My wife does not talk about her thoughts or feelings so I get to learn by monitoring. She knows I am watching her but has no idea the extent of my abilities to monitor--though she should.
-She visits porn sites, but leaves me cold--no physical intimacy of any kind. I have not even tried to touch her in a month--not even for a hug and she has not appeared to even noticed.
-Regularly searches for apartments and houses in places she wants to live (near the boyfriend I busted).
-Is searching profiles on singles sites several times a week, even though never responds to emails from men on the site. ( I have her logins/passwords to those accounts)
-She occasionally searches for divorce information.
-And is carrying on a long distance with a guy I now believe was another affair, but I don't know the extent of it because she is deleting their Facebook messages almost daily.
All this and when I try to get her to talk about Us she just tells me "All I am thinking about right now is my work" --a lie obviously. I guess she is not ready to move on even though she has given up. I have no clue--she won't talk. I suppose she just wants to put off dealing with the real life consequences of a decision her heart has already made.
We get along really well...have fun together but its obviously very shallow. I should have pushed for therapy a few months ago, but I am exhausted and can no longer continue to put energy and into monitoring her. I can't conceive of another way of building trust back the way she is.
I don't know that I am asking for anything with this, but I felt I had to type this out. Reading it, I must seem walked all over and objectively that is probably the truth.
I wanted it to be different. I did all I could. Time to move on.
I know what I have to do.
I hope we can do this with mediation. We have the net worth feed of a lot of lawyering but not enough to avoid financial devastation in the aftermath.
Put the internet to work for you.
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