I realize it was not smart, but H and I had dated a year in middle school then six years later two weeks before getting married. When we married, he was so on fire about God and always wanted to go to church/pray/read the Bible. This is very important to me, as I have always looked for someone like this. God is #1 in my life. Also, I looked for someone who felt the same way about smoking/getting drunk/doing drugs/porn which is being totally against it and he was like that. He had done it but claimed to stop. He was also the sweetest and most considerate person ever. Well, you have no idea how much of a 180 he has taken. He is nothing like when we dated/married. Now I realize a man is not perfect by any means, but I made it clear to him when we married that I wanted someone with the same morals as me. Well, guess what? He has smoked behind my back, watched porn behind my back, even made a fake FB to look at women. Lied to my face more than I can count. Whe n i find out something he is hiding, he denies it for SO long trying his hardest to keep from me knowing the truth. That's what bothers me the most. Well aside from that, he has emotionally blackmailed me by not letting me get angry without his permission, and when I did, he would say things just to make me cry or threaten to leave just because he wanted to hurt me. He told me after that that I wasn't allowed to get mad for 2 weeks or he's gone. We went to MC and he got better, but through his actions I just see that he genuinely is a jerk who does not care or love me properly. Like when we make plans for me to pick him up at work (we live a long way from his work) and I get there and I'm just 20 minutes late and he's not there. When I get home to confront him, he's just like "I wasn't going to wait around for you." He genuinely did not care that I had drove out there to get him. A lot of the time he doesn't care how I feel, when I cry at something he does he just says "I do n't wanna listen to this crap" and leaves. He says I do it for attention. He leaves during arguments ALL THE TIME. Sometimes when I try to use exercises from MC he'll be like "i'm not in the mood for that today". Who I married was just a complete lie. Well, I am just opening my eyes to everything our mutual friend (more of my friend) has been trying to tell me. Both her and H's sister have told me he is abusive and they would not still be there right now and they don't know how I am. I don't want to have sex with him, be with him like that, I just all the time wish I could go back and not have married him because this just feels wrong. I am still here because I spent all of my life NEVER wanting a divorce and I don't want to give up for anything, not to mention I don't want my baby to be a child of divorce like I was. But this feels like a nightmare at times. I haven't been this unhappy in a long time. Please, could someone give me some kind of advice? Are these normal thin gs to feel in marriage that will go away? I don't want to leave because of feelings that might be temporary.
Put the internet to work for you.
| |
| Recommended for you |
No comments:
Post a Comment