Hi,
I've come here looking for some advice about my marriage. I have been with my husband for 5 years, we've been married for 2. I was single for a year before I met him, after being in a bad relationship (he cheated, so I left)... When I met my husband, I wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't push for commitment. He was a few years younger than me and in the navy and in all honesty I didn't see it going anywhere. However, the more time we spent together, the more I was proved wrong. It just felt right.
We moved in together within the year, mostly for financial reasons, he just bought a house and my tenancy was ending on my apartment, so he asked if I wanted to move in. Things were brilliant, and despite the time apart, we grew very close. We have never really argued and he has a lovely character, caring and warm. My family and friends adore him, and we've always been happy.
We were engaged in 2010, I was surprised at the proposal but it felt right. We married in Summer 2012, and he'd left the navy a few months prior to our wedding.
Everything has been brilliant in our marriage, we've had a tough start, we had a death of a very close family member of mine, and two redundancies. But we've remained strong and close and we've got through it. Well, in October last year I received a message from his ex girlfriend telling me he tried to sleep with her after we were engaged, and then just before he left the navy. She said she doesn't want anything from him, but felt I should know.
He admitted he had done this, and I took some time to think about whether I should stay. I asked him if there was anything else and he said no, and I stayed. January this year, he eventually sat me down and told me, within the first year of our relationship, he had two one night stands, and 2 one night stands with a co-worker (in the navy). The following year, he slept with the same co- worker twice.
I was obviously devastated and everyone was shocked, I made him tell my family and his. Its very hard to explain, but he's such a warm loving person that none of them could believe it. I took a month and decided that I think what we have is worth the risk. He said that since we've been married he's been faithful and that he put in for voluntary redundancy from the navy, because he knew he wanted to settle down with me, in our home town, and break away from the navy life. I said that is was a cop out as the situation doesn't force you to cheat. It's the choices you make, but he said I made the choice to leave that behind and since I've been faithful. Well I decided to stay, and asked him again if there was anything else, I said you had these one night stands, do you expect me to believe you've never tried it on with other women? He said no, that was it.
This week he came clean about trying with other women, 7 times during the first year, he said I was truly horrible in the first year and I never let you go because I knew you were the one. I was so used to being away in Plymouth, going out drinking and living that life, looking back I probably should have let you go, but I wanted to marry you, and it was the best decision I ever made, the worst was keeping it from you.
Now, I really don't know what to do. Part of me says 'He was 21/22 years old, in the navy, away from me a few weeks a month, we didn't have a conventional relationship, hes not a malicious person and he's a good man'..... The other part of me is thinking 'He's lied repeatedly, he couldn't have loved you, and has very little respect for you, leave now before he does it again'.....
I love him truly, and he is the man I wanted to spend my life with, still is. I don't think he would do it again, and I think making the decision to leave the navy and come home was a good one, however, my concern is, that he simply hasn't had the opportunity to cheat since, not like he did when he was the other end of the country. My worry is the continual lying.
He's devastated now as I've said I don't think we can mend this, I know my limits and I certainly know I don't want to live in fear of my husband cheating, it's not healthy for either of us. However, I feel that what we have is strong enough to get through this, I just have my doubts.
I am really looking for some guidance, as I am completely torn.
I've come here looking for some advice about my marriage. I have been with my husband for 5 years, we've been married for 2. I was single for a year before I met him, after being in a bad relationship (he cheated, so I left)... When I met my husband, I wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't push for commitment. He was a few years younger than me and in the navy and in all honesty I didn't see it going anywhere. However, the more time we spent together, the more I was proved wrong. It just felt right.
We moved in together within the year, mostly for financial reasons, he just bought a house and my tenancy was ending on my apartment, so he asked if I wanted to move in. Things were brilliant, and despite the time apart, we grew very close. We have never really argued and he has a lovely character, caring and warm. My family and friends adore him, and we've always been happy.
We were engaged in 2010, I was surprised at the proposal but it felt right. We married in Summer 2012, and he'd left the navy a few months prior to our wedding.
Everything has been brilliant in our marriage, we've had a tough start, we had a death of a very close family member of mine, and two redundancies. But we've remained strong and close and we've got through it. Well, in October last year I received a message from his ex girlfriend telling me he tried to sleep with her after we were engaged, and then just before he left the navy. She said she doesn't want anything from him, but felt I should know.
He admitted he had done this, and I took some time to think about whether I should stay. I asked him if there was anything else and he said no, and I stayed. January this year, he eventually sat me down and told me, within the first year of our relationship, he had two one night stands, and 2 one night stands with a co-worker (in the navy). The following year, he slept with the same co- worker twice.
I was obviously devastated and everyone was shocked, I made him tell my family and his. Its very hard to explain, but he's such a warm loving person that none of them could believe it. I took a month and decided that I think what we have is worth the risk. He said that since we've been married he's been faithful and that he put in for voluntary redundancy from the navy, because he knew he wanted to settle down with me, in our home town, and break away from the navy life. I said that is was a cop out as the situation doesn't force you to cheat. It's the choices you make, but he said I made the choice to leave that behind and since I've been faithful. Well I decided to stay, and asked him again if there was anything else, I said you had these one night stands, do you expect me to believe you've never tried it on with other women? He said no, that was it.
This week he came clean about trying with other women, 7 times during the first year, he said I was truly horrible in the first year and I never let you go because I knew you were the one. I was so used to being away in Plymouth, going out drinking and living that life, looking back I probably should have let you go, but I wanted to marry you, and it was the best decision I ever made, the worst was keeping it from you.
Now, I really don't know what to do. Part of me says 'He was 21/22 years old, in the navy, away from me a few weeks a month, we didn't have a conventional relationship, hes not a malicious person and he's a good man'..... The other part of me is thinking 'He's lied repeatedly, he couldn't have loved you, and has very little respect for you, leave now before he does it again'.....
I love him truly, and he is the man I wanted to spend my life with, still is. I don't think he would do it again, and I think making the decision to leave the navy and come home was a good one, however, my concern is, that he simply hasn't had the opportunity to cheat since, not like he did when he was the other end of the country. My worry is the continual lying.
He's devastated now as I've said I don't think we can mend this, I know my limits and I certainly know I don't want to live in fear of my husband cheating, it's not healthy for either of us. However, I feel that what we have is strong enough to get through this, I just have my doubts.
I am really looking for some guidance, as I am completely torn.
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