My wife and I have been seperated for 6 weeks now and I have filed for a divorce, although I have not had her served. She has not attempted to contact me in any way, even when I've emailed her about the insurance and to remind her to have the oil changed on her car. No response. We have been together 9 years and married for 6. This is both our second marriage and we have no children between us. The only thing we share is the house mortgage. No other checking accounts, credit cards, etc. We've always maintained seperate bank accounts. Our main issue has always been our respective families. Especially mine.
My mother and grown daughter have never liked her. When we first visited my mother, who lives in another town. All my future wife did was keep her nose in a magazine for most of the visit. This did not sit well with my "old school" mom who believes a new or perspective daughter n law should jump right in with the family with conversation and chores, and my new girlfriend did not. Although mom did not like her she has never said anything to ugly or rude to her.
My daughter has been a different story. She has made no secret of the fact she did not like my wife and has said so. For a long time she would only refer to her as "that woman" and honestly I did not do enough to put a stop to it. My daughter would often invite me to family functions but say "that woman" is not invited. After a couple of years of this I told my daughter that if my wife was not invited neither was I and I would not attend any functions. The last time my wife and daughter laid eyes on each other was Christmas Eve 2 years ago. When I went upstairs to see my grandkids my daughter told my wife that the only reason she was allowed in her house was because she was my wife, but she was not welcomed there. I didn't find out about this until we had left and were driving home. I started to call her but my wife said to forget it, it would just cause more trouble.
In our own home we lived with her two daughters. One is 5 years older than the younger one and has left for college. The older one and I never got along. She was always rude towards me. I often feel because her father kept her stirred up. She would say things like "my daddy says I don't have to mind you", or "my daddy says he and my mommy were getting back together until you came along. We'd be a family again" Me and the younger one always got along well. My only rule about the oldest girl is that once she turned 18 she had to move out. I don't care if she went cross town or across the country, but she wouldn't live there. She could come visit, bring her laundry, come eat. But she could not live there. To have a minor in my house being ugly with me was one thing, but not once she was considered an adult.
Our current problems: Since my wife feels my family has never liked her and I never defended her my kids and grandkids are not allowed to come to our house. I could go visit them all I wanted, but they could not come to our house. I have a grown daughter and son and 6 grandkids. So there would be not visiting PaPa at home. No backyard BBQs, No Sunday dinners with the kids and grandkids. This is something I just could not agree to. And is the main reason we've seperated. Even though she says I can go see them all I want it still makes them mad when I do. Whenever they call the house she screams "Your G/D Kids are calling again. Why do your G/D Kids have to call so much". So you can see she does not like for me to have any contact with them. She has told me they're grown and they should just get out of our lives, we'd be better off.
The second issue is her temper. I've never seen a female with such a violent temper. I have been shoved over furniture, into the fireplace, through our bedroom window. She has called me vile names, "You're not a man, you're just a p---y". My clothes have been ripped out of the closet and thrown into the front yard more times than I can count. Recently when I thought my wife would be gone all day I brought my 16 year old granddaughter over to spend time with me and help me clean the garage. She had not left by the time I thought she would and when I showed up with my granddaughter she started yelling "get her out of here, she's not welcome here, you don't care about how I feel." My granddaughter started crying so we left.
Two days later I told her my kids can come over this was my house too. She told me "why don't you go f--k your granddaughter and your daughter too. I moved out that week.
For my part I admit I was never supportive enough of her with my family. Mainly my daughter. We have seperated before and so for the last year I've kind of withdrawn myself from her. Trying to wean myself off her for the seperation to come. I always knew the issue of my family not being allowed to come to the house would come to a head sooner or later. I was not as attentive as I should have been, nor as loving.
Now that we've seperated I've filed for a divorce, but have not had her served. I wanting to contact her to see if we could try counselling to work out our differences and perhaps come together as a family again. But we tried counselling several years ago with no long lasting success.
It appears she has moved on since she has made no attempt to contact me or try to work anything out. Her uncle tells me she is who she is and will never change. I believe people can change if they want to. I feel I should show her more attention, but she needs to change her attitude about my kids and get her temper under control.
I do love this woman and would like to work it out, but logic tells me things won't change, I should accept this, serve her with the divorce papers and move on. I hate waking up each morning in this little apartment and not having her with me. The mornings and weekends seem to be the worse.
I'd appreciate any advice. Should I attempt to contact her and see if she would try the counselling route? Or move forward with the divorce and my life. I guess on some level I'm just afraid of the pain I know will come.
Thanx
My mother and grown daughter have never liked her. When we first visited my mother, who lives in another town. All my future wife did was keep her nose in a magazine for most of the visit. This did not sit well with my "old school" mom who believes a new or perspective daughter n law should jump right in with the family with conversation and chores, and my new girlfriend did not. Although mom did not like her she has never said anything to ugly or rude to her.
My daughter has been a different story. She has made no secret of the fact she did not like my wife and has said so. For a long time she would only refer to her as "that woman" and honestly I did not do enough to put a stop to it. My daughter would often invite me to family functions but say "that woman" is not invited. After a couple of years of this I told my daughter that if my wife was not invited neither was I and I would not attend any functions. The last time my wife and daughter laid eyes on each other was Christmas Eve 2 years ago. When I went upstairs to see my grandkids my daughter told my wife that the only reason she was allowed in her house was because she was my wife, but she was not welcomed there. I didn't find out about this until we had left and were driving home. I started to call her but my wife said to forget it, it would just cause more trouble.
In our own home we lived with her two daughters. One is 5 years older than the younger one and has left for college. The older one and I never got along. She was always rude towards me. I often feel because her father kept her stirred up. She would say things like "my daddy says I don't have to mind you", or "my daddy says he and my mommy were getting back together until you came along. We'd be a family again" Me and the younger one always got along well. My only rule about the oldest girl is that once she turned 18 she had to move out. I don't care if she went cross town or across the country, but she wouldn't live there. She could come visit, bring her laundry, come eat. But she could not live there. To have a minor in my house being ugly with me was one thing, but not once she was considered an adult.
Our current problems: Since my wife feels my family has never liked her and I never defended her my kids and grandkids are not allowed to come to our house. I could go visit them all I wanted, but they could not come to our house. I have a grown daughter and son and 6 grandkids. So there would be not visiting PaPa at home. No backyard BBQs, No Sunday dinners with the kids and grandkids. This is something I just could not agree to. And is the main reason we've seperated. Even though she says I can go see them all I want it still makes them mad when I do. Whenever they call the house she screams "Your G/D Kids are calling again. Why do your G/D Kids have to call so much". So you can see she does not like for me to have any contact with them. She has told me they're grown and they should just get out of our lives, we'd be better off.
The second issue is her temper. I've never seen a female with such a violent temper. I have been shoved over furniture, into the fireplace, through our bedroom window. She has called me vile names, "You're not a man, you're just a p---y". My clothes have been ripped out of the closet and thrown into the front yard more times than I can count. Recently when I thought my wife would be gone all day I brought my 16 year old granddaughter over to spend time with me and help me clean the garage. She had not left by the time I thought she would and when I showed up with my granddaughter she started yelling "get her out of here, she's not welcome here, you don't care about how I feel." My granddaughter started crying so we left.
Two days later I told her my kids can come over this was my house too. She told me "why don't you go f--k your granddaughter and your daughter too. I moved out that week.
For my part I admit I was never supportive enough of her with my family. Mainly my daughter. We have seperated before and so for the last year I've kind of withdrawn myself from her. Trying to wean myself off her for the seperation to come. I always knew the issue of my family not being allowed to come to the house would come to a head sooner or later. I was not as attentive as I should have been, nor as loving.
Now that we've seperated I've filed for a divorce, but have not had her served. I wanting to contact her to see if we could try counselling to work out our differences and perhaps come together as a family again. But we tried counselling several years ago with no long lasting success.
It appears she has moved on since she has made no attempt to contact me or try to work anything out. Her uncle tells me she is who she is and will never change. I believe people can change if they want to. I feel I should show her more attention, but she needs to change her attitude about my kids and get her temper under control.
I do love this woman and would like to work it out, but logic tells me things won't change, I should accept this, serve her with the divorce papers and move on. I hate waking up each morning in this little apartment and not having her with me. The mornings and weekends seem to be the worse.
I'd appreciate any advice. Should I attempt to contact her and see if she would try the counselling route? Or move forward with the divorce and my life. I guess on some level I'm just afraid of the pain I know will come.
Thanx
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