Mine were abusive - both parents and siblings. I barely even knew what it was like to have an extended family growing up, as my parents lived away from them and didn't see them more than about once a year, and when we did (they heard a bit about the abuse, and knew enough) they'd downplay the abuse and take my parents' side (Indian culture).
I never knew what normal was. I had a secret boyfriend, my parents found out, and I wasn't allowed any friends after that till I got to uni. I was forced to follow a particular religion, never watched the normal kid movies or went on holidays or celebrated a birthday party. At uni, I didn't know what to tell the few friends I made about my past, and ended up bullied, on top of my family making threatening phone calls every few days. I struggled very severely financially too (no parental support though they earned a lot so my student finance was tiny, I couldn't find part-time work and had to pay for accommodation over the holidays as I felt unsafe at home), and ended up bullied, miserable, and dropping out of university in my second year last week. I'm living off my savings in a tiny room and trying to find work now.
I'm 20, and I've never even had a proper birthday party, celebrated Easter, or Christmas, or gone on holiday, or anything like that. I have no friends and a totally ****ed up family. I feel like all my life has been worthless. And, at my age, nobody wants to make friends with you unless you're "normal/middle-class" enough and have watched all the right movies and TV shows and been on all the right holidays and aren't someone who has no childhood friends and a background she can't talk about. I'm a nice person, even my bullies said that about me, but people just stop talking to you within about 10 minutes once they realise you're totally different background wise as I am.
I've been severely depressed for longer than I can remember and could snap at any moment. Nobody cares about me, that much is certain. I'm trying to find work at the moment, but even if I do get a job, nobody's going to want to be friends with me. I have no family (I am cutting off contact with my abusive family soon) and never will and there's nothing I can do to change that.
I see people having normal lives around me and can't help but compare. I'm so stressed and unhappy it's affecting my health.
Help.
I never knew what normal was. I had a secret boyfriend, my parents found out, and I wasn't allowed any friends after that till I got to uni. I was forced to follow a particular religion, never watched the normal kid movies or went on holidays or celebrated a birthday party. At uni, I didn't know what to tell the few friends I made about my past, and ended up bullied, on top of my family making threatening phone calls every few days. I struggled very severely financially too (no parental support though they earned a lot so my student finance was tiny, I couldn't find part-time work and had to pay for accommodation over the holidays as I felt unsafe at home), and ended up bullied, miserable, and dropping out of university in my second year last week. I'm living off my savings in a tiny room and trying to find work now.
I'm 20, and I've never even had a proper birthday party, celebrated Easter, or Christmas, or gone on holiday, or anything like that. I have no friends and a totally ****ed up family. I feel like all my life has been worthless. And, at my age, nobody wants to make friends with you unless you're "normal/middle-class" enough and have watched all the right movies and TV shows and been on all the right holidays and aren't someone who has no childhood friends and a background she can't talk about. I'm a nice person, even my bullies said that about me, but people just stop talking to you within about 10 minutes once they realise you're totally different background wise as I am.
I've been severely depressed for longer than I can remember and could snap at any moment. Nobody cares about me, that much is certain. I'm trying to find work at the moment, but even if I do get a job, nobody's going to want to be friends with me. I have no family (I am cutting off contact with my abusive family soon) and never will and there's nothing I can do to change that.
I see people having normal lives around me and can't help but compare. I'm so stressed and unhappy it's affecting my health.
Help.
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