This is my first time posting on here, and Iv'e read a lot of posts from different lives among people....and realize I need advice and help, I can't keep going on like this. I tend to think mine is challenging and confusing, but I will try to keep it short and to the point.
First off I met my now husband when I was 15 (he was 17) and I wouldn't say I fell in love with him it was a friendship that became a boyfriend girlfriend thing and we were young. We are totally opposite with everything, i'm outgoing he's not...everything I like to do he doesn't. I always heard opposites attract but now I'm 25 and learning differently. A few years ago things started going down hill, I started growing up and he was still a kid...Staying up late (4am) playing video games, never showed me attention, sex was not important, started calling me fat, needless to say I felt not wanted. I came to the conclusion I was done and I wanted out.
I met someone over social media and we became close friends. I felt so loved with him, wanted, needed and fell madly in love with this guy. I finally said this is my way out after being with my (boyfriend) I can use cheating on him as an excuse to leave. I was wrong. After cheating on my boyfriend for 4 months, things got worse and I was using "staying with a friend" as an excuse to leave so I could go be with this other man. He eventually started to catch on, and asked me one night if I was cheating and I came clean and told him everything, to the bits and pieces of everything....how I did it, when I did this..which now I regret every piece of it. I told him I was done, i'm not happy and I was leaving......he cried, and then began to tell me if I left he was going to kill himself...(confused, and emotional at this point due to how do I leave someone who says that to me, when that's how my Father took his own life)
Not even 3 months later on a trip that was already paid, he proposed...I said yes, but really wanted to say no. At this point, i'm still talking to the other guy which knew my situation.
I finally thought maybe marriage will fix this, maybe he cares now, maybe scaring to leave worked. I went through with it, along with cold feet 3x and calling the wedding off once. I wanted to get married the following year, and he wanted to get married less than 6 months from the proposal. This pushed me more and more to cold feet, because I felt trapped. I let go, and we got married. We fought the first night of the honeymoon, every other night was a win or loose fight because I didn't really want this, I felt trapped and pushed for this as if I couldn't get out now that I'm married.
We have been married 1 year and a few months, and I have tried leaving 3 times, 1 he knows about. I feel like I am fine for a week or two and try to make it and then the next week I'm ready to pack my things and get out and never look back. I'm tired, unhappy, intimacy is not there anymore, I can't even stand to kiss him, or him touch me, I'm not in love with him anymore.
Finally what drove me on here today was, I just finished my pack of birth control pills for the month and I start another next week well, the pack is missing/gone and he has been harping on me about a baby for the past 2 weeks...asking me when he can knock me up. This is a trap, I feel it, I know it, someone please help me.....I can't do this anymore but I'm in so much fear of my life and what he capable of with me hurting him If I leave.....
First off I met my now husband when I was 15 (he was 17) and I wouldn't say I fell in love with him it was a friendship that became a boyfriend girlfriend thing and we were young. We are totally opposite with everything, i'm outgoing he's not...everything I like to do he doesn't. I always heard opposites attract but now I'm 25 and learning differently. A few years ago things started going down hill, I started growing up and he was still a kid...Staying up late (4am) playing video games, never showed me attention, sex was not important, started calling me fat, needless to say I felt not wanted. I came to the conclusion I was done and I wanted out.
I met someone over social media and we became close friends. I felt so loved with him, wanted, needed and fell madly in love with this guy. I finally said this is my way out after being with my (boyfriend) I can use cheating on him as an excuse to leave. I was wrong. After cheating on my boyfriend for 4 months, things got worse and I was using "staying with a friend" as an excuse to leave so I could go be with this other man. He eventually started to catch on, and asked me one night if I was cheating and I came clean and told him everything, to the bits and pieces of everything....how I did it, when I did this..which now I regret every piece of it. I told him I was done, i'm not happy and I was leaving......he cried, and then began to tell me if I left he was going to kill himself...(confused, and emotional at this point due to how do I leave someone who says that to me, when that's how my Father took his own life)
Not even 3 months later on a trip that was already paid, he proposed...I said yes, but really wanted to say no. At this point, i'm still talking to the other guy which knew my situation.
I finally thought maybe marriage will fix this, maybe he cares now, maybe scaring to leave worked. I went through with it, along with cold feet 3x and calling the wedding off once. I wanted to get married the following year, and he wanted to get married less than 6 months from the proposal. This pushed me more and more to cold feet, because I felt trapped. I let go, and we got married. We fought the first night of the honeymoon, every other night was a win or loose fight because I didn't really want this, I felt trapped and pushed for this as if I couldn't get out now that I'm married.
We have been married 1 year and a few months, and I have tried leaving 3 times, 1 he knows about. I feel like I am fine for a week or two and try to make it and then the next week I'm ready to pack my things and get out and never look back. I'm tired, unhappy, intimacy is not there anymore, I can't even stand to kiss him, or him touch me, I'm not in love with him anymore.
Finally what drove me on here today was, I just finished my pack of birth control pills for the month and I start another next week well, the pack is missing/gone and he has been harping on me about a baby for the past 2 weeks...asking me when he can knock me up. This is a trap, I feel it, I know it, someone please help me.....I can't do this anymore but I'm in so much fear of my life and what he capable of with me hurting him If I leave.....
Put the internet to work for you.
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