Anyone have this happen before? Unfortunately our sexlessness has nothing to do with lack of drive, it is a secondary symptom of bigger problems. We are attempting to work through them. Sex literally almost never comes up in arguments about our relationship, it seems we both mutually know that it is only a symptom so we don't focus on it. In fact, it's only come up maybe 2 or 3 times in the last year, and all by me in fact, and mostly recently. Some in calm settings ("do you realize how long it's been since we've had sex? Do you miss it?") , some during an argument ("if I don't get f*cked soon I'm going to go crazy!"). But literally, it's happened so few times that that's even discussed.
We've been sexless for about a year and a half. At first it was very adaptable, I'm used to my husband traveling and being away for work, and we were never those people who had to have sex every day. Then I went through a period where I would constantly fantasize about what it would be like to be with another man. Funny thing is, I'm extremely attracted to my husband, even when I hate him. He's very handsome, nice body. But I just stopped thinking about him sexually because of my disdain for him. Then recently in the last few months I began to actually crave sex with my own husband again. I took this as a good sign, but it didn't solve our problems. It was just a private victory of knowing that i had the ability to love him and desire him again if we were able to work out our marital problems.
Ever since i could start lusting after him again, it seems my sex drive has skyrocketed. But of course, no outlet, except for the obvious. I was never low drive before though. I don't know, average? In fact my husband and I seemed to have similar sex drives before our other problems started. Nobody ever complained about the frequency of sex and it was never the source of a fight. Having sex once a week was about the normal, sometimes twice. We both seemed happy with it. I look back on this and am realizing how grateful i am (or should have been?) for how much we were in sync for that part of our relationship. Nobody ever turned the other down. In fact, if he ever came on to me and i wasn't in the mood, I would oblige him in other ways that didn't require intercourse. Ugh, we had it so good with that and didn't even realize it.
So, i guess the point of this thread is, anyone else experience this increase in sex drive after being sexless for so long? Or do you usually start to crave sex less because you've gone so long without it? I'm gong crazy here, i don't know how to manage it. Sex has never been this much of my focus before, i think of it a million times a day everyday it seems. And i know this seems a little bit stereotypical of me to ask, but it's a burning question in my mind all the time... can a man really go without sex for this long?! When we've talked about it and I've asked how he is managing without sex and if he's gone elsewhere, he always tells me no and that he just jacks off a lot. I'd like to believe him, but a part of me doesn't. A part of me thinks he has to have gone elsewhere. I fear that we will eventually get to 2 years and that will be insane. I just keep trying to tell myself that if we are able to fix our marriage and do have sex again, it will be exciting and somewhat ne w. Positive thinking, right??
We've been sexless for about a year and a half. At first it was very adaptable, I'm used to my husband traveling and being away for work, and we were never those people who had to have sex every day. Then I went through a period where I would constantly fantasize about what it would be like to be with another man. Funny thing is, I'm extremely attracted to my husband, even when I hate him. He's very handsome, nice body. But I just stopped thinking about him sexually because of my disdain for him. Then recently in the last few months I began to actually crave sex with my own husband again. I took this as a good sign, but it didn't solve our problems. It was just a private victory of knowing that i had the ability to love him and desire him again if we were able to work out our marital problems.
Ever since i could start lusting after him again, it seems my sex drive has skyrocketed. But of course, no outlet, except for the obvious. I was never low drive before though. I don't know, average? In fact my husband and I seemed to have similar sex drives before our other problems started. Nobody ever complained about the frequency of sex and it was never the source of a fight. Having sex once a week was about the normal, sometimes twice. We both seemed happy with it. I look back on this and am realizing how grateful i am (or should have been?) for how much we were in sync for that part of our relationship. Nobody ever turned the other down. In fact, if he ever came on to me and i wasn't in the mood, I would oblige him in other ways that didn't require intercourse. Ugh, we had it so good with that and didn't even realize it.
So, i guess the point of this thread is, anyone else experience this increase in sex drive after being sexless for so long? Or do you usually start to crave sex less because you've gone so long without it? I'm gong crazy here, i don't know how to manage it. Sex has never been this much of my focus before, i think of it a million times a day everyday it seems. And i know this seems a little bit stereotypical of me to ask, but it's a burning question in my mind all the time... can a man really go without sex for this long?! When we've talked about it and I've asked how he is managing without sex and if he's gone elsewhere, he always tells me no and that he just jacks off a lot. I'd like to believe him, but a part of me doesn't. A part of me thinks he has to have gone elsewhere. I fear that we will eventually get to 2 years and that will be insane. I just keep trying to tell myself that if we are able to fix our marriage and do have sex again, it will be exciting and somewhat ne w. Positive thinking, right??
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