I didn't know where to put this because there are so many issues at hand it makes my head spin.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have two young children. When I was pregnant with our first child, I found that he had been looking at porn sites and things of that nature, which I didn't have a problem with personally, but he had made it quite clear to me early on that he considered things like that cheating. This has went on through the entirety of our marriage where I always find out, and he either hides it, lies about it, laughs it off, or says I'm crazy for taking issue with it. I have found pictures sent to him in very graphic nature from random strangers online. I have key-logged fantasy role playing conversations he has had with strange people. He even went as far as to propose a meeting with a woman in the town we live in through a Craigslist add.
Now, he claims all of this is in jest because he gets bored and says he likes to see what kinds of reactions he can get out of people. Whatever. I do not think he has actually physically hooked up with any of these women (or men--yes--men), but the damage it has caused me, mainly due to his reactions to my trying to talk to him about it, is understandably irrefutable.
He says I have damaged him completely. We have not had sex in a year. He says he cannot take my emotional baggage, that I have issues, and that I am a terrible person. I admit, I resent him and have a lot of deep anger toward him. I am very rude to him at this point in our relationship because of the hurt I have endured. I feel broken beyond belief, and I take it all out on him. He says I can't use him as an excuse for my behavior and that I lack the drive to pick myself up. He tells me I have always been this way (low self-esteem) and that it has only gotten worse with time (naturally). However, he uses the same justification for his own behavior toward me. I caused him to be the way he is--I have ruined him. I'm not allowed to have those same justifications. He has torn me down which has in turn torn him down by the way I am toward him. I have psychological issues because of my behaviors; he is abused (his explanation).
Every relationship I have ever been in since high school has resulted in some form of abuse. My husband knows this and claims it is a fault within my personality. Last night he told me that God told him long ago that he should not get married, yet he begged me for months. He claims part of our problem is that he is a type A personality (meaning he is driven) and that I am a B (meaning I am lazy). He said I have submerged him in a pool of destruction.
He will not go to counseling with me. We don't really have coverage for me to go to counseling. I do not want to end our marriage. I love him very much. I feel as though he loves me, but not in the way he did before the honeymoon phase was over. His love for me has changed dramatically as a result of this mess.
I don't know what to do. I took a vacation with our children, and when I came back I was automatically in a mode of betrayal, afraid he was "cheating" the whole time we were gone. We have hurt each other so much that I don't know if there is any way to salvage things. He is in complete denial of his role in this, says I am sick and have strange fantasies of him being with other women since I'm always paranoid about it, and last night was the first time I have ever even heard him apologize for what he has done (as far as the cheating is concerned).
Please, any help or advice would be much appreciated. I am scared and lonely beyond reproach.
My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have two young children. When I was pregnant with our first child, I found that he had been looking at porn sites and things of that nature, which I didn't have a problem with personally, but he had made it quite clear to me early on that he considered things like that cheating. This has went on through the entirety of our marriage where I always find out, and he either hides it, lies about it, laughs it off, or says I'm crazy for taking issue with it. I have found pictures sent to him in very graphic nature from random strangers online. I have key-logged fantasy role playing conversations he has had with strange people. He even went as far as to propose a meeting with a woman in the town we live in through a Craigslist add.
Now, he claims all of this is in jest because he gets bored and says he likes to see what kinds of reactions he can get out of people. Whatever. I do not think he has actually physically hooked up with any of these women (or men--yes--men), but the damage it has caused me, mainly due to his reactions to my trying to talk to him about it, is understandably irrefutable.
He says I have damaged him completely. We have not had sex in a year. He says he cannot take my emotional baggage, that I have issues, and that I am a terrible person. I admit, I resent him and have a lot of deep anger toward him. I am very rude to him at this point in our relationship because of the hurt I have endured. I feel broken beyond belief, and I take it all out on him. He says I can't use him as an excuse for my behavior and that I lack the drive to pick myself up. He tells me I have always been this way (low self-esteem) and that it has only gotten worse with time (naturally). However, he uses the same justification for his own behavior toward me. I caused him to be the way he is--I have ruined him. I'm not allowed to have those same justifications. He has torn me down which has in turn torn him down by the way I am toward him. I have psychological issues because of my behaviors; he is abused (his explanation).
Every relationship I have ever been in since high school has resulted in some form of abuse. My husband knows this and claims it is a fault within my personality. Last night he told me that God told him long ago that he should not get married, yet he begged me for months. He claims part of our problem is that he is a type A personality (meaning he is driven) and that I am a B (meaning I am lazy). He said I have submerged him in a pool of destruction.
He will not go to counseling with me. We don't really have coverage for me to go to counseling. I do not want to end our marriage. I love him very much. I feel as though he loves me, but not in the way he did before the honeymoon phase was over. His love for me has changed dramatically as a result of this mess.
I don't know what to do. I took a vacation with our children, and when I came back I was automatically in a mode of betrayal, afraid he was "cheating" the whole time we were gone. We have hurt each other so much that I don't know if there is any way to salvage things. He is in complete denial of his role in this, says I am sick and have strange fantasies of him being with other women since I'm always paranoid about it, and last night was the first time I have ever even heard him apologize for what he has done (as far as the cheating is concerned).
Please, any help or advice would be much appreciated. I am scared and lonely beyond reproach.
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