My husband says that I am too serious and I don't smile enough. He says he loves my "gorgeous smile" and wants to see it more often. In order for this to happen, my husband is very playful. I mentioned the butt slapping in another thread. He also likes to tickle me, kiss my neck and call me silly little names. While I think he is too playful, I have learned that my husband is simply trying to show his love and I must not discourage this just because I have too many boundaries. It isn't all about me.
I am well aware that my boundaries are too rigid and I need to let my husband in emotionally. It is difficult because I learned to put up walls in order to protect myself from abuse in the past. My boundaries were once very weak and now they are too strong. When someone develops survival skills, it is hard to let them go and relax. I need suggestions on how to do that. I would talk to my therapist but I can't afford to see her just now.
The other day, my husband and I were cuddling after lovemaking. I was in a great mood, so I was laughing and giggling a lot. We were gazing into each other's eyes and my husband blurted out "Why can't you be like this all the time?" When I asked him what he meant, my husband said that he wishes I would just relax and enjoy closeness and playing.
All of the emotional intimacy and surprise touching is very intense. I really enjoy hugs and kisses but it is hard for me to get used to the surprise tickles, butt grinding and raspberries blown into my neck and cheeks.
I realize that some people may accuse me of being cold and sexless. Sex has never been an issue with us. We have a very passionate and satisfying sex life. My husband expresses concern about the lack of emotional intimacy during sex; namely my unwillingness to look him in the eyes when we are in bed. He is very observant and knows when I am disassociating, so my husband likes to speak softly to me during sex and gaze into my eyes as a way to keep me present. I had to learn to keep my eyes open during sex as I usually keep them closed. Lastly, my husband doesn't like it when I turn my back to him after sex. I only do it to process my intense feelings and all the intimacy. It isn't an attempt to hurt him at all. When I turn my back, my husband will rub my shoulder and ask if I am okay. He will then pull me to his chest for cuddling and kiss my forehead. I have noticed that my husband uses a certain tone of voice which is soothing and comforting in times where I s eem scared.
I am only in my early thirties but I feel like a tired old woman inside. I have survived physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother and one of my siblings. I have also been through sexual abuse as a child and rape as an adult. Finally, I have endured the humiliation of being mistreated after having sex in the past. Letting my husband in feels great but very scary. *sigh* What can I say? I admit that I am a a headcase.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I don't need to be insulted and accused of not appreciating my husband. It is obvious that I want to get better so that I can enjoy life and marriage more. I should say that I always swore that I would never marry in the past. I was afraid that I would end up an embittered betrayed spouse like my mother. I also did not want to be treated like a slave the way she was. Luckily, my husband isn't that kind of man. He is faithful to me as far as I know and he shares household duties.
I am well aware that my boundaries are too rigid and I need to let my husband in emotionally. It is difficult because I learned to put up walls in order to protect myself from abuse in the past. My boundaries were once very weak and now they are too strong. When someone develops survival skills, it is hard to let them go and relax. I need suggestions on how to do that. I would talk to my therapist but I can't afford to see her just now.
The other day, my husband and I were cuddling after lovemaking. I was in a great mood, so I was laughing and giggling a lot. We were gazing into each other's eyes and my husband blurted out "Why can't you be like this all the time?" When I asked him what he meant, my husband said that he wishes I would just relax and enjoy closeness and playing.
All of the emotional intimacy and surprise touching is very intense. I really enjoy hugs and kisses but it is hard for me to get used to the surprise tickles, butt grinding and raspberries blown into my neck and cheeks.
I realize that some people may accuse me of being cold and sexless. Sex has never been an issue with us. We have a very passionate and satisfying sex life. My husband expresses concern about the lack of emotional intimacy during sex; namely my unwillingness to look him in the eyes when we are in bed. He is very observant and knows when I am disassociating, so my husband likes to speak softly to me during sex and gaze into my eyes as a way to keep me present. I had to learn to keep my eyes open during sex as I usually keep them closed. Lastly, my husband doesn't like it when I turn my back to him after sex. I only do it to process my intense feelings and all the intimacy. It isn't an attempt to hurt him at all. When I turn my back, my husband will rub my shoulder and ask if I am okay. He will then pull me to his chest for cuddling and kiss my forehead. I have noticed that my husband uses a certain tone of voice which is soothing and comforting in times where I s eem scared.
I am only in my early thirties but I feel like a tired old woman inside. I have survived physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my mother and one of my siblings. I have also been through sexual abuse as a child and rape as an adult. Finally, I have endured the humiliation of being mistreated after having sex in the past. Letting my husband in feels great but very scary. *sigh* What can I say? I admit that I am a a headcase.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I don't need to be insulted and accused of not appreciating my husband. It is obvious that I want to get better so that I can enjoy life and marriage more. I should say that I always swore that I would never marry in the past. I was afraid that I would end up an embittered betrayed spouse like my mother. I also did not want to be treated like a slave the way she was. Luckily, my husband isn't that kind of man. He is faithful to me as far as I know and he shares household duties.
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