Ok here's the basic scenario and ill try and keep this as short as possible.
I meet a girl, who is seperated from current husband and has 2 kids with him. She is living with her mother and her mothers husband. We start dating, and I lived at home with my parents. (Im 32 and she is 25, at the time she was 21 and I was 29ish) I live at home however I stay there because I try to help them financially and with other things that need to be done.
I get this girl pregnant, and we argue over this. I wasn't sure I could financially support a child but in the same respect didn't want to be a dead beat dad or absent father. She wants to have the child (The fact that I even thought about abortion does still kill me to this day). But I stay with her by her side and I begin to help support her and her other 2 kids. We look at buying a house but then father says that our house is too big for just us...how about you, her and two kids move in. So we do, I spent quite a bit of money on renovating the kids bedrooms and trying to make it as inviting as I can.
Two months later our son is born, then after about a year and a half of living there she starts talking about marriage...not just talking about it but basically pressuring me into getting her a ring..so I did..I bought her a ring even though I had my own doubts on her level of commitment (she was already married once). To me married is a big deal and I wanted to only ever be married forever...and it just seemed with our situation we had a lot of obstacles to over come to get us married.
So I did it, i bought her a ring..but said we should hold off for a few years until we actually have the wedding. She doesn't want to hold off and she wants to get married in 9 months. She basically guilts me into planning a wedding in 9 months. While were planning our wedding im paying to handle her old marriage, her ex wasn't paying any child support and blah blah blah...so I managed to hire a lawyer to start getting child support from him and to have a set custody..at the time he wasn't all that good of an ex. Then I have to get her divorced and they had a house together that they were both losing anyways..so I offered to pay all the back taxes and the legal bills if he signed over the house. I planned on putting it in both our names but since her credit is screwed I didn't want to put it in hers and then get 6 judgements against it.
So she gets divorced and 4 months later we get married. I managed to foot the wedding bill and we got married. Even though she kept threatening to call it off on several occasions.
Now shortly after the wedding my parents are still struggling and im still trying to figure out ways to try and please everybody. My wife says I should just let the house go because "it's just a house". Well its not just a house to me, it was my fathers life. It was some dumpy farm house when he bought it and now its a beautiful location..It sits on a dead end road with no neighbors surrounding by woods and man made ponds..my father has said he wanted the ashes scattered on the pond island. I want to keep the house so one day my son can maybe keep it.
Now obviously living with inlaws is tough, I understand that. Its tough on me too as obviously im always caught in the middle. I understand im going to be caught in the middle. My mother can be very unpleasant and is bothered by the kids because sometimes kids can be kids and be very loud and throw fits etc etc. So my mother gets mad and goes out into the other room and my wife feels shes not wanted there even though nobody has ever said that to her or me.
She starts hinting at trying to find our own place and said well I can still help my parents financially if we do. She has never had a job when shes been with me, and she really hasn't had a job because she is always taken care of her kids. However she never stayed at home with her last husband and always ran off to her mothers and she does the same exact thing now. I don't force her to stay home or anything but she says she cannot be at the house when im not there even though she would be alone with the kids until around 2:00 when my mother gets home from her job..a few weeks ago my wife and the kids were home and my mother got mad because the dvd player remote was missing...so she was mad and my wife packed up the kids and left the house and she called me saying she can't live there no more...we slept at my office (im self employed) and went back the next day.
I help take care of all of these kids and her and my parents. My one sister lives out of town and isn't around, my older brother is kind of useless and my father has bailed him out over and over, and my other sister died 8-9 years ago. My father plenty of people including all my siblings, relatives and even friends of the family and im the only one that is trying to help him.
I would like to think I take pretty good care of her, I don't expect much of anything from her really. She does clean up the house however I help as well. She complains about cleaning up after my mother. My mother or father don't really clean up after themselves so she does it. She says she spends her life cleaning up a house she is never at....the realty is that she occassionaly cleans up for a half hour in the morning (tops) and cleans for maybe an hour at the end of the day when im home and I either help her or I watch the children while she does it.
We both do the dishes, we both do laundry and I generally try to take care of other things after we get the kids to bed. But when I get home its like I can handle the kids myself but she can't do things with the kids that I have no problem doing myself with all of them.
Now she is saying that she is going to find a job and move out on her own and either i can go with her or I can stay there and we can still try and be married. Even though nothing seriously bad has even happened within the past few weeks. What makes it hard for me is either I let her go with my son and the other 2 kids whos life ive been a apart of for 4 years now..or i go and basically stop trying to help my mother and father.
I have given her and the kids basically everything I can, the kids don't want for nothing and have basically anything a child could want, she has a car that I bought her and I pay for every month..I pay all the bills and let her child support basically go to buying gas so she can bomb around town all day with the kids and buy quick and easy meals on the run for the children because she doesn't want to go home. I pushed her to get her GED and she did and I was so proud of her for that, then she wanted to try and pursue a career in real estate and I set the money aside for that...but she never wanted to sign up. Now she wants to go work some dead end job even though i have offered her several ways to make more money doing less work and still having time with the children (which she wanted).
Now she wants to get a job and just move out, and probably have her mother watch our kids. I think her family is a horrible influence on the children and her mother is a very irresponsible parent. Even my wife has said that before...and I think just letting her put our children in the care of her mother is a mistake, moving would be pulling the kids out of their school probably and any friends they have. I feel like if I leave with her she will lose her job eventually because her babysitter (mother) is unreliable and im going to be stuck trying to pay for that house as well...and probably lose both.
Im sorry im rambling but im at my wits end...seriously ive put on 45lbs of weight and have to take blood pressure medicine now because of added stress in my life.
What do I do? I don't want to lose them and at the very least I don't want to lose my son.
Happy New Year everyone....mines looking GREAT already!!!
I meet a girl, who is seperated from current husband and has 2 kids with him. She is living with her mother and her mothers husband. We start dating, and I lived at home with my parents. (Im 32 and she is 25, at the time she was 21 and I was 29ish) I live at home however I stay there because I try to help them financially and with other things that need to be done.
I get this girl pregnant, and we argue over this. I wasn't sure I could financially support a child but in the same respect didn't want to be a dead beat dad or absent father. She wants to have the child (The fact that I even thought about abortion does still kill me to this day). But I stay with her by her side and I begin to help support her and her other 2 kids. We look at buying a house but then father says that our house is too big for just us...how about you, her and two kids move in. So we do, I spent quite a bit of money on renovating the kids bedrooms and trying to make it as inviting as I can.
Two months later our son is born, then after about a year and a half of living there she starts talking about marriage...not just talking about it but basically pressuring me into getting her a ring..so I did..I bought her a ring even though I had my own doubts on her level of commitment (she was already married once). To me married is a big deal and I wanted to only ever be married forever...and it just seemed with our situation we had a lot of obstacles to over come to get us married.
So I did it, i bought her a ring..but said we should hold off for a few years until we actually have the wedding. She doesn't want to hold off and she wants to get married in 9 months. She basically guilts me into planning a wedding in 9 months. While were planning our wedding im paying to handle her old marriage, her ex wasn't paying any child support and blah blah blah...so I managed to hire a lawyer to start getting child support from him and to have a set custody..at the time he wasn't all that good of an ex. Then I have to get her divorced and they had a house together that they were both losing anyways..so I offered to pay all the back taxes and the legal bills if he signed over the house. I planned on putting it in both our names but since her credit is screwed I didn't want to put it in hers and then get 6 judgements against it.
So she gets divorced and 4 months later we get married. I managed to foot the wedding bill and we got married. Even though she kept threatening to call it off on several occasions.
Now shortly after the wedding my parents are still struggling and im still trying to figure out ways to try and please everybody. My wife says I should just let the house go because "it's just a house". Well its not just a house to me, it was my fathers life. It was some dumpy farm house when he bought it and now its a beautiful location..It sits on a dead end road with no neighbors surrounding by woods and man made ponds..my father has said he wanted the ashes scattered on the pond island. I want to keep the house so one day my son can maybe keep it.
Now obviously living with inlaws is tough, I understand that. Its tough on me too as obviously im always caught in the middle. I understand im going to be caught in the middle. My mother can be very unpleasant and is bothered by the kids because sometimes kids can be kids and be very loud and throw fits etc etc. So my mother gets mad and goes out into the other room and my wife feels shes not wanted there even though nobody has ever said that to her or me.
She starts hinting at trying to find our own place and said well I can still help my parents financially if we do. She has never had a job when shes been with me, and she really hasn't had a job because she is always taken care of her kids. However she never stayed at home with her last husband and always ran off to her mothers and she does the same exact thing now. I don't force her to stay home or anything but she says she cannot be at the house when im not there even though she would be alone with the kids until around 2:00 when my mother gets home from her job..a few weeks ago my wife and the kids were home and my mother got mad because the dvd player remote was missing...so she was mad and my wife packed up the kids and left the house and she called me saying she can't live there no more...we slept at my office (im self employed) and went back the next day.
I help take care of all of these kids and her and my parents. My one sister lives out of town and isn't around, my older brother is kind of useless and my father has bailed him out over and over, and my other sister died 8-9 years ago. My father plenty of people including all my siblings, relatives and even friends of the family and im the only one that is trying to help him.
I would like to think I take pretty good care of her, I don't expect much of anything from her really. She does clean up the house however I help as well. She complains about cleaning up after my mother. My mother or father don't really clean up after themselves so she does it. She says she spends her life cleaning up a house she is never at....the realty is that she occassionaly cleans up for a half hour in the morning (tops) and cleans for maybe an hour at the end of the day when im home and I either help her or I watch the children while she does it.
We both do the dishes, we both do laundry and I generally try to take care of other things after we get the kids to bed. But when I get home its like I can handle the kids myself but she can't do things with the kids that I have no problem doing myself with all of them.
Now she is saying that she is going to find a job and move out on her own and either i can go with her or I can stay there and we can still try and be married. Even though nothing seriously bad has even happened within the past few weeks. What makes it hard for me is either I let her go with my son and the other 2 kids whos life ive been a apart of for 4 years now..or i go and basically stop trying to help my mother and father.
I have given her and the kids basically everything I can, the kids don't want for nothing and have basically anything a child could want, she has a car that I bought her and I pay for every month..I pay all the bills and let her child support basically go to buying gas so she can bomb around town all day with the kids and buy quick and easy meals on the run for the children because she doesn't want to go home. I pushed her to get her GED and she did and I was so proud of her for that, then she wanted to try and pursue a career in real estate and I set the money aside for that...but she never wanted to sign up. Now she wants to go work some dead end job even though i have offered her several ways to make more money doing less work and still having time with the children (which she wanted).
Now she wants to get a job and just move out, and probably have her mother watch our kids. I think her family is a horrible influence on the children and her mother is a very irresponsible parent. Even my wife has said that before...and I think just letting her put our children in the care of her mother is a mistake, moving would be pulling the kids out of their school probably and any friends they have. I feel like if I leave with her she will lose her job eventually because her babysitter (mother) is unreliable and im going to be stuck trying to pay for that house as well...and probably lose both.
Im sorry im rambling but im at my wits end...seriously ive put on 45lbs of weight and have to take blood pressure medicine now because of added stress in my life.
What do I do? I don't want to lose them and at the very least I don't want to lose my son.
Happy New Year everyone....mines looking GREAT already!!!
Put the internet to work for you.
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