Wife needs thought of another woman to become sexual

First of all a little background. My wife and I have been together 17 years and married 13. We have always had a great relationship. We are best friends and we have 3 great kids. We have all the typical issues that most married people have, kid stress, work stress, money stress etc. We always work through it and our goals are in line with each other on where we are going in the future. Here is where the problem lies and I suppose I am just looking for advice on how to handle the situation(s). My wife is very non-effectual ever since our first child was born. She does not liked to be french kissed, kissed on the neck, ears etc. She just likes pecks. We have talked about it several times and she just says I don't like it. I completely understand a french kiss is a intimate commitment kiss and when then kids are around its not really the best time. However, she doesn't like it even in bed being intimate. She also hates contact with her breasts as well. It is really a hands off situation. She is also extremely self conscious. Our sex life was mediocre at best. We would have sex 2-3 times a month on a good month. It was very plain and involved the same positions every time. My wife really enjoys oral sex but hates giving it. She has said to me jokingly that she is a lazy lover in bed. I feel my wife suffers from a huge lack of self confidence even though I have always supported her and encouraged her in everything she does. She doesn't even take compliments well. It doesn't mean I stop giving them but when I do she just blushes and says, "Uh yeah sure". Random texts I send her would say "I think you are amazing and I love you!" with a reply back from her of "Random and thanks". It can be a very frustrating situation sometimes. Mainly because I am a VERY touch based person and need that to express my feelings. Here is the exception to all this. When my wife gets drunk she is a completely different person. I mean completely. She becomes a sexual dynamo and nothing is off limits.I am talking porn star type bedroom antics. I attribute it to the alcohol lowering her inhibitions and raising her self esteem. Now, a little more back story about our relationship and where this is going. My wife when we first started dating admitted to me and always said she had a thing for girls as well as guys. I was always ok with that and honestly it was just talk and nothing ever came of it. It was one of those things in the bedroom she would bring up and I would get excited thinking about it but nothing ever became of it. It was just fun to talk about and spiced up the bedroom. That talk quickly disappeared once our kids were born along with other bedroom antics (unless drunk). However, about 6 years ago we became great friends with a couple who had kids our kids age and they would hang out. Well one evening in bed my wife expressed a desire to have sex with the wife of the other couple. I was floored. It had been years since my wife had expressed anything like this. I was turned on but again figured it was just talk. However weeks later talk turned to reality and a slippery slope. Needless to say that couple ended up divorced and we almost did as well. My wife and I have worked everything out since that incident and all is water under the bridge and has been forgotten until recently. Fast forward to recently. We are still very good friends with the wife of that couple and she has since remarried. We honestly haven't hung around her and her new husband much for various reasons until recently. My wife and I sex life had been mediocre as usual until the day after we had this couple over for dinner. My wife was suddenly an animal in the bed again. I didn't know how to take it. We went form sex 2-3 times a month to sex twice a day and only because the kids were around. I finally questioned my wife about it and in bed one night and she fully admitted that she wanted our friend again and that hanging around her again brought things up. She also admitted that she wants to watch me with our friend and that she would also like the husband to join in. Then she admitted that she would be willing to do anything I wanted to do as well. Well this is what got us in trouble the first time. Now, nothing has happened, the other couple has no idea my wife feels this way and at this point it is all talk on our part. I have no intention of pursuing it for fear that we would end up in the same situation as before. I have also talked to the other wife several times about everything that happened previously and she feels the same way. She does not want any friendships ruined. So, you can see the sticky situation. It seems like the catalyst of another woman has to be present to get my wife to become intensely sexual. Now, even with the catalyst my wife still can't take compliments and is very self-conscious. I feel that is a whole separate issue (Issues with her mother, being adopted etc.) and I am willing to work on that and always have been supportive. What I am more perplexed about is everything else and I am not sure how to handle it. I love how my wife is in the bedroom when she is like this but it also makes me feel like I am not good enough for her. I almost feel like she needs the idea of a woman there to get off. And for the responders who say I am not good enough in bed. I make sure that she has an orgasm every time we have sex. I also know my wife is extremely interested in sleeping with the other woman again. We have talked about it and she has told me so. Like I said though its all talk and I am ok with it staying there. I am just conf used on how to handle what seems like a compound issue. One, the self esteem/touch issues. Two, our sex life when the thought of another woman is not there. Any advice would be great on this confusing situation and thanks for reading this long post.

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