On a low ebb, jealousy/insecurity in my relationship with GF

I have a situation with my girlfriend which is unduly upsetting to me, I would appreciate some honest advice. Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for the past ten months, we're both 22, and I had met her a short while after I had just left a particularly difficult part of my life (due to depression and anxiety). I won't say that our relationship is 'straight sailing' because it isn't. I can't really confide in her (or at least openly tell her my annoyances with her), without her getting edgy or throwing me a very apathetic speech e.g. "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "See the glass as half full" etc, which only serves to make me feel guilty and feel more resentment towards her coldness about mental health. She has the typical 'get over it' kind of attitude, although I am digressing off topic here once again! She does understand me to an extent, but to some degree she always tells me to 'man up' or stop been so 'wimpy' when I am low and stuff and doesn't understand the emotional or irrational side to me (ironically!). My main reason for posting here is that...me and my GF were talking the other day (after making out etc) and we got on topic about 'attractiveness' and whether she fancies people etc, and indeed me. I guess we shouldn't have really talked about this, because it only serves for me to ask more questions in my head and reinforces my insecurities. I asked her controversial stuff like: "If a guy ever came along and he was more attractive than me and possessed better qualities, would you go out with him?" She of course, said no. But I don't believe her. I think maybe she is telling me what I wish to hear, in efforts to prevent hurting me. She knows I have a history of depression, and so she doesn't want me to go downhill. Me and her have come close to splitting because of my issues numerous times but she told me she could "never leave me because she loves me". This is quite of nice to hear from her, but there again, it makes me feel like she is just sticking by me due to my illnesses and thus it feels like a 'chore'. Anyways...the conversation went on. I asked "Do you think you can love someone without finding them attractive?" She replied "yes I think you can". I then immediately responded with: "Do you find me attractive?"..."am I ugly, or above average?" She said "Your above average"...."but I don't want to upset you...but...I love you more than I find you attractive". Am I right to be upset by this?? I was really hurt when she said this, but took it on the chin. I feel a bit distraught by this really, its not as though I am not unstable as it is. But by the same token I appreciate her honesty. She tells me that she "loves me" and such but I don't believe I possess an amazing amount of attractiveness to her...which bothers me. Also what also annoys me is that occasionally, she might say in front of me "that guy is hot" or whatever. This makes me insanely jealous, and feel like she is looking elsewhere. The prospect of her looking at other men that she may deem more attractive than her own boyfriend also is painful to stomach. Because I have a gut feeling that she withholds certain things from me or says them in a way that's nice because she doesn't want to hurt me, but it only further pushes the problem down the line. I fear the uncertainty of her running off with another man with whom has a better 'in-shape' body or more charm or confidence. As I am quite bloated, due to drinking beer and fizzy pop. Not exactly overweight but still, she just tells me she "likes my belly" but when I push her further admits that "a six pack would be nice". It hurts that the world (and indeed my girlfriend) can be so vain. I mean maybe I am been naive because I can't accept the truth that people are at first physically attracted to each other before anything else develops. I don't care as much about physicality in my preferences, but more about personality (I know I sound hypocritical). But it hurts me that my girlfriend could possibly be seeking out other males, with whom are more athletic because she sees 'grass as greener on the other side'. She says her type was (before she met me) athletic and so I am a bit paranoid.She isn't cheating but I fear her losing interest in me. I kind of feel a little insulted that she is practically saying she loves me, but isn't all that attracted to me. Where is the logic in that? I feel frustrated that there are some girls that will tell you that 'looks don't matter' yet people seem to be attracted to those that are the most attractive, work out and are confident. To some degree this screams vanity...but I can't do anything about this so don't really know why I continue to fret. I'm not sure whether to work out/go to the gym and improve what I have because I could change myself as much as I like, and my GF could leave me next week so why does it all matter? I feel that I want to lose some weight and tone up, but I am scared of making the commitment, just to please someone else. Also I have issues with how I look, the fact that I am not attractive in general, yet again I'm not ugly. But I feel like I want to be the one that girls notice when I walk in the room and such. Give me a bit of self belief in the least. But I also believe that I will just have to work with what I have, which is maybe a cruel fact of life. If your attractive you get what you want, if your not hard work is the compensation. Can't help what your born with. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact me GF is still with me..despite these insecurities. Any adivce?

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