Can we fix this?

My husband and I have been married for 3 years, together for 5. During the 2 years we dated before getting married, he went on a 7 month deployment. After we were married for about 3 months, he then left on a 1 year deployment. He came back from his year long deployment very different. He has a guard up to all emotions, which I know is to be expected, but I didn't think it would last this long (he's been home for almost 2 years now). Anyway, he got out of the military in December of 2011 and was unemployed until we moved 6 months later (after I graduated college). I found out last summer that during those 6 months of unemployment, he slept with 5 different random women he'd met online. He said there was no emotion involved and that he regretted it. We went to counseling for about a month (it was cut short because it was free counseling through the VA). Things started looking up. We talked more openly, grew closer, and really seemed to thrive in our marriage. Then, about 9 months later (this past March), I found out he'd slipped up again and had slept with a co-worker. I was completely blind sided. The first time, at least I could recognize some problems within our marriage and him personally. Although it wasn't an excuse, it at least made a little bit of sense. Again, he said he regretted it, loved me, and wants to work on things. It's been about 3 months since then and again, things started to seem bette r. About a week ago, I found that he's been texting and chatting with random girls online again. How many times do I forgive him? When is it enough? I love him. and I really do believe him when he says he wants to stop and doesn't know why he's doing it. I know that he loves me. We're trying to work on things, but he refuses to go to counseling. He thinks that it's a crock and won't work. He doesn't believe in it and thinks that it'll be a waste of time. He says that he loves me and wants us to work, he just doesn't know how to fix whatever is wrong with him. He loves me, but doesn't think that he loves me AS MUCH as I love him. We both agree that it's not fair to me, but we want to get back to a point where we're both completely in love again and don't want to give up. I'm at such a loss of what to do. I want to forgive and move on and I want us to work. I want him to regain all of those head over heels feelings again, and I want to make our marriage work. If it isn't going to though, I need to figure out a way to move on. How do we make the decision whether we need to split or not? Neither of us want to, but admit that things aren't working. Also, along with his changes in emotions and personality, he isn't as romantic as he used to be, which I miss. And also, he went from wanting kids so badly (to the point that that is part of why he got out of the military), to now he doesn't know if he even wants kids... ever. Advice please? I'm so hurt and confused and scared. It's like this is taking over my life and I can't focus or care about anything else.

Put the internet to work for you. via Personal Recipe 2629979